Page 59 of The Missus
Twenty-Four
Keira had her back to Alanna while they awkwardly got dressed in their PJs. A lot of the time, Keira slept naked. But not tonight. She was wearing an old T-shirt and her knickers. ‘You decent?’ she asked.
‘Yep. You?’
‘I’m done.’
They turned. Alanna was in a large T-shirt and a pair of loose joggers. It was odd that she was so covered up for bed. The weather was rather warm.
‘So I’m taking the floor,’ Alanna said. It wasn’t a question.
‘Alanna…’
‘Shush. I’m doing it.’
Keira shrugged. ‘Alright. But I don’t have an extra duvet.’
‘Is that a throw on the end of your bed? That’ll do,’ Alanna said.
Keira tossed it to her, along with a pillow. Alanna set herself up on the floor next to the bed. Keira watched her, frowning. This felt odd. But in a way, she was relieved. She wasn’t sure she could cope with the heat of Alanna’s body so close in the dark. She might have another asthma attack.
Alanna got herself settled on the floor. ‘OK, night.’
‘Night,’ Keira said, climbing into bed. ‘Can I turn off my lamp?’
‘Go for it.’
Keira plunged the room into darkness and settled herself. She thought about the uncomfortable evening she’d just had. She and Alanna sat on the sofa with the TV on while Sandra sat hunched in an armchair, occasionally running off to ‘her’ room to make mysterious phone calls. Every time she vanished, Alanna and Keira posited a fresh theory about who she was talking to. It ranged from the obvious (‘she’s begging Ed to take her back’) to the ridiculous (‘she’s part of MI5 and she was asked to take out the Queen, but she refused the mission, and now she’s on their hit list, so she’s arranging a new identity’), and it had amused them somewhat.
But Keira worried that Alanna was just making jokes to deal with real stress. Back under a roof with her mother? Alanna hadn’t said a ton about it, but Keira was well aware that childhood had been a tough time for her, living with that woman and losing her dad. Keira hadn’t had a nice childhood, but she wouldn’t have swapped it with Alanna’s, all the same. Bad was bad. Now that badness had forced itself into Alanna’s home. It had to be hard on her.
Keira listened to Alanna tossing and turning on the floor for a few minutes, trying to get comfortable. It was driving Keira a bit mad listening to it. ‘Alanna, for the love of God, would you please just get in here?’
There was a pause. ‘I don’t…’
‘Just do it. I can’t listen to you turning yourself like a goddamn rotisserie chicken anymore,’ Keira complained. She was putting aside her feelings, tiredness taking over. She needed sleep.
After a while, there was a shuffle, and then the blanket lifted, and Alanna slipped in quietly. Keira felt abruptly electrified at the closeness. But she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to ignore it. She waited for the inky black fingers of unconsciousness to end this crappy day.
Only it didn’t happen. Because every time she heard the faintest little sound coming from the other side of the bed, Keira was hyperaware of it. It was like when she spotted a spider in the bathroom with her. Fear made its every movement enormous.
But she was just gonna have to suck it up and deal. It was just Alanna. Her friend. Her very good friend. The only person she could rely on.
Oh, goddamn, why were these thoughts making it worse? Love was so stupid. No, hold on, acrush. That’s the terminology she was comfortable with. There was no love here. She didn’t believe in it.
Not that there wasn’t some kind of affection between them. There was closeness and care here. Matter of fact, Alanna didn’t know hownotto care about people. Even her horrible mother received it. Alanna was able to love people, and that was proof that it existed in some form.
But could something like that rub off? Had Keira exposed herself, gotten a dose of attachment? She didn’t understand any of this. She’d thought about herself in a certain way for a long time, and that way was very comfortable. But this stuff firing around her body and her mind about Alanna? That wasn’t comfortable at all. It was terrifying.
What terrified her at this very moment was that Keira wanted Alanna. And she was so close. So damn close. Yet somehow, she was a million miles away.
There was a little snore. Alanna was out. That eased Keira’s mind somehow. Alanna had gotten comfy and fallen asleep. So Keira would do the same. It was OK. It would all be over soon. Another night after this and Sandra would be eighty-sixed. They could go back to keeping a wall between them. Keira prayed that then this would pass. That she could go back to being who she’d always been. Keira Evans. Alone.
Alanna snored again. Keira smiled to herself at the sound and fell asleep.
Twenty-Five
Alanna woke up and rolled over. She felt her hand touch something. A human body part. Her eyes flew open when she realised what it was. Before she could react, Keira sat up quickly as though woken by the contact.
