Page 72 of The Man Next Door
Later, as they sat on camp chairs, watching the fireworks burst and rain down colors from an inky sky, he scooted his closer to her and said, “Remember the fireworks I took you to when we were going together?”
She did. A big pop produced a fountain of gold that lit thesky. Her heart mimicked it as she remembered a steamy collection of kisses they’d shared later that night. Clothes had almost been shed. Almost.
She forced herself not to look at him. If she did, they’d be right back reenacting that other night on the Fourth of July and her willpower would be in the toilet.
“I love you, Bree,” he said. “I never stopped thinking about you after we broke up. I know you’re going to pull away again, I can feel it coming. And the crappy thing is, I still won’t be able to stop thinking about you.” He tried to take her hand. She pulled it away.
“Can’t we just be friends?” she protested. Now she had to look at him, but she wished she hadn’t. She hated seeing the disappointment in his eyes.
“Can’t we think about being more than that someday? I’ll wait for you forever is there’s any chance we can.”
“You know what my life’s been like. You know about my dad and my stepdad. I don’t want to turn into my mom.”
“Your mom’s pretty nice. I can think of worse things to turn into,” he said.
“You know what I mean.”
“Other people’s mistakes don’t have to be yours. And I’m not a mistake.”
She wanted to throw her arms around his neck and say, “No, you’re not, and I love you.” But she forced herself to sit there like a boulder. She did love him. Sadly, she didn’t love him enough to trust him with her future. She bit her lip and trained her gaze on the fireworks above them.
He didn’t say anything more after that. In fact, he didn’t talk at all as he drove her back to her apartment. She looked at his stony expression and felt sick.
Finally, when they were a block away, she couldn’t stand it anymore. “I wish you’d say something.”
“What’s left to say?”
“That you want to be my friend.”
He sighed. “I do, but I want more, Bree. I mean, yeah, it’s better than nothing, but sometimes better than nothing isn’t enough.”
The sick feeling grew worse. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying...” He bit down on his lip, shook his head. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess I need to accept that we can’t go any further. I’ll have to get used to the idea of not being with you, not being able to touch you, make plans for a future with you, talk about where we’d like to live and how many kids we want, ’cause none of that’s going to happen. There’s no future for us, Bree. You won’t let there be.”
He pulled his Jeep into the guest parking space nearest her upstairs shared apartment and turned to look at her. “I’m sorry. I hate this, but we’re done. I thought I could, but I can’t keep doing this. It’s killing me.”
She felt the same misery she saw on his face. This was all wrong.
He got out, walked around the Jeep, and opened the passenger door.
“This is crazy,” she protested.
“No. Come on. You know the definition of crazy. It’s doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That’s all I’d be doing. I can’t do that, Bree. I wish I could, but what’s the point of it?”
“The point is, we care about each other.”
He shook his head again. “You don’t care enough. I wish you did, but you don’t.”
He was right, of course. She cared more about protecting her heart than she did wounding his. His words poured sorrow and shame over her. She didn’t want to hurt him. But she also didn’t want to wind up hurt herself. She stood there, her brain on fire, trying to think of something to say that wouldkeep him bound to her but getting nothing in return. She couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
He walked back around the Jeep and got behind the wheel. She stepped away and watched with tears filling her eyes as he drove off.
Chapter17
BOTH ZONA AND MARTIN HAD DRIVENall over the neighborhood and beyond looking for Darling. Neither one found him.
“He’s probably hiding somewhere,” Martin said to Louise when they returned. “I’m sure he’ll come back.”
