Page 74 of Vicious Little Snakes
“Just go. I want to be alone.”
She whisked me away the minute Liam left, protecting me from everyone and bringing me to my room. She even told Grey to handle the party and make sure people kept having fun. She might be blonde, but she’s not dumb. The more fun they have, the more that what happened tonight between Liam and me becomes a highlight rather than the whole night.
My feet feel like lead as I walk toward my king-size bed. With my hands on the mattress, I balance stepping out of my Cinderella shoes and discarding them behind me. Donovan’s hand touches my shoulder.
“Care, let me help you out of this dress.”
I shake my head, pushing her hands away, wanting only to crawl into my bed and never wake up. I grip the blanket, bunching it, as I tug it down. All of Liam’s words keep battling for dominance in my mind, not giving me any kind of reprieve, playing on a loop,“Poor Caroline”… “I fucking hate you” … “Spoiled brat” … “You’re diabolical.”
My fingers curl around the fabric, feeling too much. It’s like a dam burst, and now I can’t make my emotions stop flooding. I’m overwhelmed, and this ache just won’t fucking quit. My head drops down, feeling my hair fall over my cheeks.
“I never loved you.”
My hand shoots over my mouth, suddenly tasting bile.
Donovan grabs my shoulders—“It’s okay. I’ve got you”—rushing me to the bathroom.
I beeline for the toilet door and push it open. Cold marble hits my knees as I fall forward, gripping the porcelain, trying to hold back my tears.
Donovan’s stroking my hair, pulling it back, but I can barely feel anything as I stare down.
Don’t cry. Liam doesn’t get to have that. Don’t you fucking cry.
My rippled reflection stares back at me, eyes smudged with too much eye makeup, lips smeared by red gloss, cheekbones hyper defined. A tear streams down my face, bursting free, falling into the water, distorting my view.
“I hate you,” I whisper. “You deserve this.”
My stomach begins to heave, contracting my muscles and forcing my breath to hold. I vomit, coughing up nothing but bile because my stomach is empty.
“Poor Caroline. She doesn’t eat because she hates herself.”
I wretch again, so violently that my body lifts, trying to exorcise my own hatred. My knuckles turn white from the force I’m exerting to grip the seat as my stomach turns over again. Each time I heave, his words play through my mind. Over and over, until no more comes out.
“Come on, show us the scars.”
This time I dry heave so hard that my eyes burn, blinking back tears from before as I fall back onto the floor, shaking. My back is against the wall, hair blocking my face as I fight, trying not to cry anymore. I don’t want to feel this. I won’t survive it.
“Caroline. Don’t you dare hold on to this, goddammit.”
Donovan’s rubbing my arms. I look up into her eyes, trying to speak but all that comes is stuttered breaths followed by guttural sobs until all I’m doing is screaming my sorrow.
“Make it stop. Please. Make it stop. I can’t—Donovan. Take it away.”
She throws her body over mine, engulfing me in a hug.
“Shh. Shh. It’s okay. I’m here, Caroline.”
I cry so hard, making sure I won’t have any tears left. Donovan’s arms stay wrapped around my body as she sits on the floor, reminding me I’m not alone and keeping me from disappearing any deeper into myself.
We sit for what feels like hours, reliving all of Liam’s words, as I purge a different part of myself empty. I suck in air through my nose, wiping my eyes as Donovan finally releases me. My whole body seems to wake up, feeling the cold floor and the hardness of the wall behind me. I lean forward to pull some paper from the roll.
“No, here, let me,” Donovan whispers, tearing some off and folding it, wiping the sides of my mouth.
I grab her hand and take a breath.
“Why are you being so nice to me? I’ve been nothing but a cunt to you.”
She lowers the paper with the kindest eyes and smiles. “Because you’re letting me and because you deserve it, Caroline. We all deserve someone to be there when we need it.”
