Page 36 of Vicious Little Snakes
Donovan shifts to her knees, bouncing on the bed, ignoring my funny. “See. You have to come.”
I shake my head. “Nope. Move on, beautiful. Solving your Carlton problems is not on my list of to-dos.”
She scrunches her nose. “‘Kay, fine. Be that way. Excellent reason number two.”
Despite the topic, I’m starting to enjoy myself. The whole week has felt heavy, so it’s nice to have an easy moment. After yesterday’s run-in with Caroline, my head’s been underwater.
Even when I manage to put Caroline out of my mind, she crashes back into my thoughts each time I picked up a brush or a pencil. I haven’t drawn a decent goddamn thing all week, and I’m running out of time for my submission to Columbia.
I roll over to my side, propping my head up.
“Hit me with this undebatable second reason.”
Van locks eyes with me. “If you don’t come, it won’t go unnoticed.”
Her face is serious, too intentional, and I don’t like it. At all. There went nice and easy.
“And I care why?”
She scoots closer to me, lying down onto her side, so we’re eye to eye.
“People will talk, Liam. Are you ready for the rumors and gossip to swirl? We’ve kept all this drama on lockdown mainly because we’re a united front. This fucks with that. And for what?”
“For reasons. Good ones.” My voice is devoid of any generosity from before as if urging her to let it go.
But Van pushes anyway. “Why are you still angry at Caroline? I forgave her. Grey forgave her. Why can’t you?”
“Because,” I huff, rolling onto my back again.
It’s a dumb thing to say—because. But it’s all I have—the other words won’t come out. Donovan’s eyes are searching over my face. I hate when she does that, looks for all the puzzle pieces.
“Is all this out of some allegiance to me?”
God, I wish it were that easy.
“You’re the most loyal friend I’ve ever known, Liam, but even loyalty has a limit.”
“Since when, Van? You expected my loyalty to you and Grey, despite what I felt. Remember? So tell me something—am I your friend or hers?”
My eyes stay trained on the ceiling, unable to look at Van. It’s a low blow, using all the shit that went down between us against her, but I’m that desperate for this conversation to end.
“Who said you had to choose between us? I never did between you and Grey. Remember?” She swings the last word back at me like a machete.
I level my eyes to her narrowed ones. “You did. You told me who to choose, sitting on Grey’s bed, with tears in your eyes while holding my hand. And you did again when you showed back up this year and took your seat between us. So don’t start with me. I’m allowed to be pissed off for however long I’d like to be.”
I push myself to sit, so she’s staring at my back. I’m a dick, the biggest, and I don’t want to witness that on her face. It’s like all the shit I’m shoving down is starting to burst over the surface. Why can’t I ever seem to say what the fuck I mean? Or say what I actually want to say?
Jesus, Liam, just tell her you can’t forgive Caroline because she broke your heart too many times. Tell her you’re scared that if Caroline cared back, you’d never be the friend Donovan was to you and refuse to choose between them. You’d be the kind of bastard that let your friend go for the girl you’ve obsessed over for what feels like your whole damn life.
Donovan’s hands press against my shoulders.
“That’s fair, Liam. I did ask you to choose me. Because I saw that there was a choice.”
My fist gives a few light punches into my thigh before I answer, “No, there wasn’t, Van.”
Liar. All lies. Fucking say it, you coward—Caroline’s always been it, even though you can’t have her.
Van wraps her arms around my neck. “And so much has changed. Do I love her? No. But she’s family to Grey, and that means she’s ours too.”
