Page 134 of Vicious Little Snakes
I give a coy smile, breaking away from him to streak the crackling stick against the sky. Music soundtracks the moment as the silver and gold waves back and forth, leaving black spots in my vision from the glow. The night he talked about is clear in my mind, and I start thinking about younger us as a thought tumbles forward.
“You know what’s weird? To think we’ve spent most of our lives together, and now we’re finally figuring it out.”
“Better late than never, I guess,” he laughs.
My brows draw together as I draw hearts in the sky. “Why do you think it took us so long, though? Because what’s really changed?” The words keep falling from my lips without thought, “I mean, other than your felony.” I laugh to myself before continuing, “We’re still basically the same people. What aboutnowmakes this our time?”
Liam doesn’t answer, and the silence calls my attention. I look over my shoulder at his pensive face as he stares back at me.
“What?” I shrug.
He shakes his head. “Are we back there? You doubting us again. Don’t make me chuck you into the ocean, Carebear.”
“Shut up,” I answer, rolling my eyes. “No, Neanderthal, it was just a thought.”
One that’s putting a knot in my stomach now that I’ve said it aloud. Because what has changed—other than Liam?
My sparkler fizzles out, so I chuck it into the fire, wishing I could throw my thoughts in too as I shift to face him. I hold out my hand for another, but it’s Liam’s palm that slips into mine instead.
He hovers over me, our arms minutely swinging between us. The fire crackles with a pop from the wood, making me blink down to look at his hand encasing mine.
“Hey,” he calls to my downturned face, forcing my eyes to his. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get my shit together. It was my fault we were apart. But I’m right where I belong. You are everything I want, Carebear.”
I’m staring at his face, listening to his honesty, my mind running on repeat with the same thought—it’s not all your fault.
He tilts his head. “Why does it feel like you don’t feel the same?”
Because I haven’t gotten anything together.Not like Liam.I’m still a goddamn mess of a person. Mean and occasionally insecure. Desperate for a seat at the Upper East Side table—his table.
This is Liam’s world, and even though everything feels perfect when I’m with him, eventually, the real world will seep back in. And then he might wake up one day to realize that me, stripped down, no backbone, no clout, isn’t worth the headache. He’ll eventually get tired of my survival because he’ll want me to live for him.
But I can’t do that. It’s not that simple.
My reality is a constant game of choice between what I want versus what’s expected to stay on top. With what’s expected always having a vicious uppercut.
God, just when I thought not having Liam was the worst feeling I could feel—knowing I’ll eventually lose him is even worse.
But I don’t say any of that, opting for the easy out.
“Of course, I feel the same. Kiss me before I change my mind about you for real.”
His mouth opens to speak, but the alarm goes off, so I pat his chest and shrug, “Introspection be damned by the bell. You owe me a countdown.”
Liam takes my hand, kissing it before leading us back to the chairs. He pours more champagne for me and lifts his cup, so I do the same as the seconds on his phone begin to count down from ten.
“Here’s to figuring out what’s important, Carebear. And choosing to be right where we belong.”
* * *
Liam
Caroline’s dancing around the fire yelling at the sky, singing a song, drunk. And I can’t stop laughing because I’m not on her level—higher tolerance.
“Come here,” I yell as she skips my way, plopping right down onto my lap.
Her hair sweeps across my face as she brings her eyes to mine. She looks so carefree and happy that I wish I could memorize this moment. Caroline leans down to kiss my lips, lingering.
“Let’s fuck outside.”
