Page 31 of Filthy Little Pretties
Changing my life is a priority for me, but the minute I got back, I stepped into a version of myself that I missed, that I desperately wanted back. I don’t want to give that up, and sometimes, it’s harder to be myself when I’m surrounded by my past. Once it catches up, I don’t get to be flirtatious Donovan or silly Donovan. Everything I do will carry more weight, more consequence. I’m not ready. So, I’m going to let them block that out for just a little bit longer.
Grey’s hand rubs down his neck and over the hard planes of his chest, as my bottom lip releases from between my teeth, surprising me, considering I didn’t know I was biting it. I give a tiny wave, but he doesn’t reciprocate. As if Liam can hear Grey’s thoughts, his head turns and locks on me as well.
They’re such a stark contrast of each other but perfectly paired. One dark and broody, the other light and charming. Both my favorite people. Even after all this time, I feel the same way—well, almost the same. I can’t help but be attracted to both of them, but their friendship means enough to me that I won’t cross that line, no matter how much I want to.And I’ll keep saying that to myself until I believe it.
Liam leans in toward Grey, saying something into his ear, and goose bumps spread over my legs before they both turn their attention away.
They’re talking about me.I’d give a hundred million pennies for that thought.
I sit and watch them, wondering what my life would have been like if I had stayed. A relationship with my father probably wouldn’t seem so far-fetched, that’s for sure. Maybe my mom and I wouldn’t be so torn up and damaged. And I’d be here, more firmly planted than I am, because I’d be right between Grey and Liam.
Would I have fallen in love-love with one of them, or both?Definitely both. I smile to myself.
Even as my lips tip up, there’s a tightness in my chest. I rub a small circle on my skin, trying to rid myself of it, but I can’t help but feel the grief for a life I’ll never know. All those memories we never got to make. All taken.
Grey and Liam stay focused for the remainder of the practice as I watch, but once they row out, I decide to sneak away to get home. Watching them had me thinking more and more dirty thoughts, so clarity in the form of escape was necessary.
My black satchel slides off my shoulder, so I lift it up and over my head to let it hang across my body, gripping the braided leather strap as I walk. I look up to search the distance, spotting my driver, when I hear a giggle to my left and turn casually to see who it is. My spine tingles as soon as I lay eyes on Caroline’s sardonic expression. I should keep walking to avoid another verbal throwdown, but to my surprise, it’s not her that speaks; it’s the sour little red tart from earlier when I was with Kai.
“So you’re the new crew ho? You found your tribe right away, new girl.”
Are you fucking kidding me? There’s so much I could say to this trite little bitch, but I’d rather go straight to the source, so I pause and shift to stare directly at Caroline. “Are you going to make your bitch heel, or should I?”
Laura steps in front of Caroline’s smug face, arms crossed over her ample chest.
“Scared to fight your own battles, Donovan? Now that you don’t have backup?”
My eyes cut to hers, and I smile. “Ask your self-appointed queen just how weak I am.”
A little of Caroline’s bravery drops behind Laura as her chin lifts in obstinance. I take a step closer, watching Laura’s confidence expose itself into the front it always was. And when Laura looks back to Caroline, I snap my fingers to call her attention back.
“I’m onlynewto this school. But myname—that’s on the deed to this damn city. Right next to McCallister and Brooks.” Laura swallows hard, not answering, so I switch my focus back to Caroline. “Don’t forget it again, bitch.”
Laura’s worried whispers are all I hear as I turn around, making my way back to the car, without so much as a glance over my shoulder.
“Quit it,” I whisper, pushing at Liam’s sizeable hand that’s covering my notebook, preventing me from making notes.
He’s been ridiculous our whole morning study period before school. If I didn’t have to actually study, I’d laugh at his antics, but I do, so I’m not.
“Psst. Van. Don’t ignore me. Tell me who your first kiss was…”
He swipes my notebook and tosses it onto the table behind him, making a loud thwack and creating a show for all the staring faces. His fingers interlace behind his head, smug as hell, as he leans back into his chair and shushes me as if I’m the one causing trouble.
My head swings, embarrassed, as a giggle finally releases.
“I will ignore you because I’m trying to study. You should too. This Lit exam is intense. Who knew at the end of week one, there’d be enough info to even test on? She really knows how to ruin a Friday.”
“I studied. I’m good. Stop being an overachiever and answer my question, Van.”
He stares at me with those hazel eyes and that damn toothpick wiggling between his teeth, and it makes me smile bigger. As much as he’s trying to bully me into an answer, it won’t work. Liam’s not the intimidating type. At least not to me. He’s more charming than scary, but I’m positive I’m the only person at this school with that opinion.
“You’re exhausting.”
“Answer the question, Van.”
My eyes narrow, and I cross my arms over my chest, pretending to be amused because I don’t want to tell him that my first kiss didn’t happen until I was fourteen, and it was with someone two years older than me. A year later, that same guy took my virginity up against a wall in my living room, after showing me how to smoke my first joint.
Not exactly an epic romance kind of moment, but I wasn’t looking for love. I was giving something away that my mother deemed special about me. She saw through me like a pane of glass when I was whole, so, at the time, it made sense that she might finally pay attention if I was broken. And a part of me wanted to hurt her by hurting myself.
