Page 98 of Filthy Little Pretties
“It’s fine, I’ll walk.”
The benefit of being awake all night is I can make it over to see Liam before we hit school today. The moment I step out onto the sidewalk, I’m taken aback by the cold. Then again everything’s felt cold today, especially my fucking heart. I pull my blazer closed, buttoning and tugging the sleeves to smooth the fit. The door clicks shut behind me as I make my way between passersby heading to their daily routines against the same smooth concrete and rows of trees that line his stately block.
The most vivid memory of Donovan and us as kids lights up in my mind, but I push it away as I walk, unwilling to think about her more than I already am. I picked up the phone to call Donovan a hundred times last night, but I can’t talk to her. What can I say? That I love her, more than I knew I could love anyone? Or that I hate her for telling all of her secrets to Caroline because that was supposed to be mine? That each time she gives another piece of herself away, it chips away at my heart, and I’m scared that I’ll have nothing to give her in the end?
Or do I just say,please choose me because I need someone I love to do that. Won’t be my mom. Never my dad. But I’ve felt like it was you since we were ten.Is that a lie? Because it’s been the only truth I’ve ever felt down to my goddamn bones.
My hand reaches inside my pocket, a sudden nicotine craving taking hold, but I come up empty. Damn. Before I can think twice about it, a loud whistle calls my attention just as I turn the corner, bringing me twenty feet from Liam’s house. I see him standing on the top step of his brownstone, calling to the driver across the street. His backpack is slung over one shoulder, but it takes me a minute before my thought registers.
That’s not his backpack. It’s Donovan’s bag. The one she carries everywhere. Why the fuck does he have her bag?
My feet move swiftly, pushing around the busy sidewalk.Why is she at his house?Liam waves at the driver he whistled to, calling him over again, and goes back to his front door and disappears inside. I close the distance until I’m standing at the bottom of the brick staircase, looking up and breathing hard. My heart is beating out of my chest, adrenaline pouring through me.Why is she here? Why is he calling her a car?
Has she been here all night?
If he touched her, I’ll kill him. I’ll ruin everything he’s ever loved. Take away anything he’s ever wanted until he offers her to me to make it all stop. All my thoughts are jumbled, warring for attention, but it’s Caroline’s voice that wins outs.
“She’s choosing Liam. She loves him. She loves your best friend.”
“Real, devoted love. The kind you want from her…the kind you have for her.”
“Liam is patient, where you’re bulldozing. He’s kind, where you’re cruel.”
“Maybe she doesn’t love you.”
No. no, no, no, no. She loves me. I love her. Caroline is wrong. But no matter how many times I say it, I can’t get my feet to move up the staircase, because I’m not really sure. Not truly. The door handle twists and I know they’re coming back out, but I still struggle to move.
Tires hit a pothole, and my head shoots to my right, seeing Liam’s car pulling up. In a moment of clarity, I cut around the side of the staircase to where a basement entrance is shadowed. I need to know what’s happening, and I don’t trust they won’t lie to my face. I have to fucking know if she chose him.
I hear the door open and feet shuffling, and in my haze, I push out to try and see their faces, but I’m halted and forced back into anonymity because I hear my favorite sound—her giggle.
Donovan. She’s happy.
I don’t know what’s about to be said between them, but somehow, I know that I’m never coming back from it. It’s the strongest sensation I’ve ever felt. As if everything I’ve ever held as a truth is about to become a lie.Fuck, don’t take her from me.My head falls back against the brick as I stay still and listen.
“You know you mean everything to me, right, Liam? And what you’re doing for me—”
“I’d do anything for you, Van. I say it all the time, but you have to know I mean it.”
“You really are my knight in shining armor.”
“So you keep saying. But I keep wondering what’s in it for me?”
She giggles again, and I can’t help but imagine how he’s holding her waist, the way I always do, or if he’s touching her hair, twirling it between his fingers.
“I think you got enough of a reward this morning. So greedy.”
“That’s right, I am. But I guess I can’t complain, even if I’m already craving it again.”
Silence.Are they kissing?
“Thanks again for the car.”
Her voice is further away, and before I can stop myself, I step away from the wall so that I can see her goddamn, beautiful lying face. But as soon I do, I wish I hadn’t. Golden locks brush her back against the oversized rowing crew T-shirt she’s wearing. Along with the sweats she has rolled and held by a scrunchie at her hip.
She’s wearing his fucking clothes. I can’t breathe. I can feel every crack and chip in my heart splitting open like the Grand Canyon and leaving me with nothing. Just an empty cavern where she used to live.
“Of course. I’ll take the Ducati. Hurry, go get ready or you’ll be late, Van.”
