Page 97 of Filthy Little Pretties
“I’ve already done that. You were there today. But if we’re having this conversation, clearly some shit went down tonight.” She gives a noncommittal shrug but doesn’t look at me. “If you aren’t going to tell me what, then stop wasting my time.”
I roll off my shoulder and start out the door, but her words suspend my feet as they send a chill through my veins.
“She’s choosing Liam. Donovan loves him. She loves your best friend, and she all but said ‘mine’ when asked to give him up tonight. And I don’t mean the kind of love I have for Kai but real, deep, devoted love. The kind you want from her…the kind you have for her.”
My head hangs heavy as I grip the doorjamb, hating every word Caroline just said. “I don’t believe you. Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want you to take her from him. I want you to win, so I can too. And I could never hurt Liam, but you would. For her.”
Caroline’s voice is so bruised that I can’t turn around. The look on her face will kill me. I know it because it’s the same one I feel—torment. We’re a fucking pair, each loving someone we may never have. I speak toward the darkened hall in front of me, letting my words drift back.
“You’re wrong. It’s not love, Caroline. She just doesn’t want to hurt Liam, or lose him, because like you said earlier today, she’ll forfeit a piece of him once she admits how she feels about me. But trust me, she needs me more. And for the record, I would never turn on him.”
She has to need me more.
“Bullshit. Don’t be a fool. What if she doesn’t need you more? Liam is patient where you’re bulldozing. He’s kind, where you’re cruel. He’s happy, not broody with a temper issue. Donovan’s life over the last five years has been tumultuous and scandalous. He can be her safe place. After everything she’s done over the last five years—”
My jaw grits so hard that my teeth could break before I cut her off, spinning back to face her. “How the fuck do you know about what her life’s been like? Stop speaking about her like you know her. I know her. I know what the fuck she needs. I’m that place for her.”
“Oh, but I do know what her life has been like. She told me her life’s story tonight. About her mom’s married friend who she fucked, all the drugs and meaningless hookups. I’m all caught up.”
What the fuck? She’d told Caroline over me? No way. No fucking way. Donovan promised. My eyes falter, and I know Caroline sees it, but I feel like the world just tilted on its axis.
“Wait a minute…” She pushes from her chair and stands wide-eyed. “Did you not know… about the last five years?”
I don’t answer as I glare at her, rage spreading through me. Those secrets were meant for me. To be shared with only me. Caroline takes a step forward, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Still confident you’re the one? Are you sure Liam doesn’t know?”
The implication is enough to do damage. I don’t want to know the truth. My chest feels so tight that it may break open, and right now, I wish it would. I shake my head at Caroline’s scrutiny, or maybe in answer to her question. But both serve as enough for her to know she has my ear.
We stand staring at each other as she speaks to the most unreasonable pieces of me.
“You can’t just pretend to not care, Grey. Flip. The. Switch. Punish her. Show her what life is really like without you. And make it gut-wrenching so she crawls back begging for your forgiveness.”
If I break her, Liam will be there to put her back together.
Caroline shakes her head like she’s answering my thoughts. “Force her choice. Use whatever means necessary, and if you can’t have that, then ruin her for Liam. Because I know you, Grey McCallister, and in the end, you could never see her happy with anyone else.”
My jaw ticks. I hate that I know Caroline’s right. I’ll never share Donovan’s heart. I’d deprive her of everything to make her need me. I am that desperate for her.
I’ll break Donovan’s heart to prove it’s mine. Always has been. Always will be.
Sometimes our enemies are our best allies. What Caroline understands is that I’m consumed by a covetous hunger. As if without Donovan, I’ll starve, waste away, and become an empty shell. She understands the demon for whom I’ve become servile—love. And it’ll either destroy me or set me free, but it hasn’t decided which yet.
“You win, Caroline. I’m listening.”
Staring out of the car window, I try and roll the tension out of my neck. The night feels like a blur. I listened to what Caroline thought I should do, but all the cruelest thoughts resided in my own mind. And that makes me sick. Knowing what I’m capable of. How low I’d be willing to go. It made me feel like my father.
I don’t want to be him.
The moment Donovan drove away on Sunday, Liam went in yelling about how I was a dick. I walked away without a word. I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t say something I’d regret and that Liam would hate me for.
But now, I need to say all this shit inside my head to a voice of reason. That’s Liam. And I need someone to stop me before I lose myself to my fear and act out in anger. But that’s Donovan.
I don’t have either. But I have to believe that even in the thick of this, Liam is still my brother. He needs to hear that I love her. That way he’s prepared. Then maybe he’ll forgive me one day.
“Sir, the street is blocked in front of Mr. Brooks’ home. I’ll have to park here, around the corner.”
