Page 26 of Filthy Little Pretties
“Nah. Death happens. I came to smoke,” I answer, hopping up to sit on a cement pony wall next to where he’s standing, eyeing his smirk.
“Liar.”
I shrug and pluck the cigarette from his lips, bringing it to mine to pull in a deep inhale. My lungs fill, feeling heavy as I hold in the smoke and slowly round my lips and blow. Small clouded circles float into the air as he gives a half laugh.
The rest of the smoke thrusts from my mouth in a whoosh as I speak. “God, I haven’t done that in years—” I smile at his surprised face. “I mean smoke. I haven’t had one in at least three years.”
Grey takes another drag, lifting his chin as he exhales, staring down at me.
“Years? Who the fuck lets a fifteen-year-old smoke?”
“Europeans.”
I reach to take the cigarette from him again, but he puts it in between his teeth. “Un-uh,” he says and pushes my hand away gently.
“It’s okay for you but not me?”
All he does is shrug to answer as the end of his cigarette burns bright red. He stares out over the lush greenery and neat landscaping to the riverbank, and my gaze follows. It’s beautiful. Peaceful. Something I’m sure Grey isn’t feeling.
The only real memory I have of Grey’s mom is that she was gone more than she was around. His nanny always referred to her absences as “special trips,” but we all knew that she was gone because she’d become too sad again. His mom was always sad. Too sad to leave her house, to get out of bed, to love her son.
I’d always felt terrible when I was younger for having the “good mom.” But in a way, my mom died first, because the version I loved disappeared from my life, the moment she couldn’t use me as leverage.
We stare out at the water for what feels like forever, and I take in the scenery as we stay nestled in comfortable silence. Grey takes a deep inhale before he stubs out the cigarette under his shoe and flings it toward the grass. He shifts his body toward mine, reaching for my hand, intertwining our fingers.
“Do you want to go inside? Say no,” I joke, but he isn’t looking at me. He’s fidgeting with my bracelets, spinning them on my wrist to line them up together.
God, there are a thousand things I wish I could say to him at this moment. But the biggest is that I’m sorry I left him alone to deal with all of this by himself because, for twelve years, I was the person who Grey told all the untellable things. And then I left him alone.
It might not have been my fault that I left, but I still feel guilty. My eyes don’t leave Grey’s drawn face as I stare at the dark lashes that sweep his eyelids, and his stay fixed on my wrist as he licks his lips before he begins to speak.
“Something about this river always makes me think of her.” He sniffs, clearing his throat and standing a little taller to look out, still holding my hand.
“A kid drowned in that river last year. Tried to swim across. But you have to be strong, and it has to be still. He tried to tread water, to call for help, but it was impossible. It eventually took him down. It seems peaceful, but sometimes, underneath, it’s turbulent and chaotic.”
“I’m so sorry, Grey. If I could, I’d put mine in her place.”
“Me too.”
Bringing my hand to his lips, he presses a soft kiss to the top. “Come on. Lunch is about over, and you need to make nice with my sister.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Stepsister.”
I don’t miss the smile on his damned and beautiful face as he turns away, tugging me with enough force that I have to follow him back inside.
The lights flicker outside my window, illuminating the glass as the sky grows darker. I haven’t moved from this spot on my bed since I had dinner. Alone. But it doesn’t matter because I don’t feel lonely. It’s the opposite. I have Grey and Liam again.
After lunch, the two of them both walked me from class to class until the end of the day. Probably to ensure I wouldn’t renege on my forced truce with Caroline but also because we were happy to be together again. The three minutes in between classes wasn’t nearly enough time to play catch-up, which worked to my benefit, because I was more interested in hearing about them than divulging about me, anyway.
A grin graces my face as my eyes focus on the million twinkle lights outside my window. Leaning over to my nightstand, I turn off the only light in my room so that I can lose myself. I rearrange myself on my bed so that I’m lying on my stomach, chin on my folded arms, to stare at the night sky when my phone shines brightly. It calls my attention, but I leave it, choosing to ignore whoever it is.
If I thought it was anyone I’d want to speak to, I’d look, but it isn’t. I forgot to get Grey or Liam’s number today before I left campus.
The phone shines again, falling dark only to shine again, making it hard to ignore. I reach out and pull it closer with a groan, spurred on by who I believe is calling. I don’t want to deal with my mother. Right now, in this tiny moment, I’m happy, and she has a way of always ruining that feeling. But she won’t go away. I know that. I pick up the phone and tilt the screen to face me, so I can see it from where my cheek is lying on my arm, hoping I can read the text sideways.
Unknown: Hey.
Unknown: Waiting…waiting…
