Page 33 of Worship
Gretchen’s standing in front of the window with Ella, bathed in the moonlight. Seeing Gretchen with Ella tonight has left a tightness in my chest. She’s not what I expected—then again, she seems to be everything I need.
The one thing I’m sure of. She keeps making it harder for me to honor our friend deal.
Ella’s little head is lying heavy on Gretchen’s shoulder. She’s already in a deep sleep, telling by the way her arms are dangling. I watch, feeling mixed emotions over how much desire I have to be standing here.
Gretchen is swaying back and forth and singing. I can’t quite make out the song, but it doesn’t matter because the pain I feel is tearing me apart. It’s regret. Regret over marrying Shelby. This is what Ella should have, not some dimebag hooker that fucks for better opportunity.
A soft voice comes from behind.
“Hey.”
I turn to see Drew standing behind me. She must have been in her room down the hall.
“Hey,” I whisper back.
I see worry in her eyes. Fuck, she’s going to say something I won’t like. I can feel it.
Drew stares at me, hard and serious.
“You’ll ruin her life and yours too. You know that, Luca.” She walks to me, placing her hands on my arms. “Don’t bring your mess into what could be something beautiful between the two of you. She’ll need you to be the one strong enough to walk away.”
My brows draw together, my irritation at her words growing inside of me.
“You want me to stay away from her? Is that what you’re saying?” My voice is gruff, giving away the dislike I have for what she’s said to me.
Nobody can ever tell me to stay away from Gretchen, no matter how reasonable their words.
Drew levels her eyes at me.
“No. I’m saying clean up your fucking mess before you break her heart because she won’t let you put it back together once you’ve figured your shit out.”
She pats my shoulder and gives me a nod. The girl is feisty.
“Consider me warned.”
I’m amused at her bravado as she walks past me back downstairs. I’m not surprised at Drew’s strength. It takes a helluva woman to put up with me and my brothers, but she handles Dom with ease and grace—the same way she just tried to handle me, but I don’t need her to tell me what I already know.
If I pull Gretchen further into my life, she’ll never forgive me for breaking her. But I don’t think I can stop myself. That’s a lie—I don’t want to because every time I see Gretchen play the role I wish she could play, it makes me greedier for her.
I start to walk away, stopping at the top of the stairs. I know better than to stop; I need to keep walking. We said “just friends,” but I want her despite the fact that I’m unavailable.Walk down the fucking stairs, Luca.
My stubborn feet won’t move. I want to turn around, pull her from the room, tell her to stay away from me, beg her to wait for me, ruin her, exalt her. I’m at war with the most unworthy of opponents: my heart.Goddammit.I grip the handles of the railing, wishing I could crush the metal.
A noise behind me pulls my attention.
“Luca.” Gretchen’s whisper is all it takes for me to break.
I look over my shoulder to see her shadowed silhouette standing in the hallway. I can’t say a word because I’m being driven by need. I feel an urgency I shouldn’t explore, but I turn around anyway. No matter how hard I fight what I’m feeling, in the end I’m too selfish.
She stands wide-eyed, the curiosity written all over her face. She wants to fix me, heal me, and it makes me angrier. I hate who I am through her eyes. I’m broken and hurt. I want to punish her for seeing me for who I am. For making everything I hide feel seen. For making me want to be better in her eyes.
Walk away, Luca.
“Do you know what I can’t stop thinking about?” My voice is heavy with my intention.
She shakes her head, and her tongue darts out to lick her bottom lip.
I take a predatory step forward, and her body tenses in reaction to my movement. The closer I get to her, the more determined I’ll become to be inside of her. It’s almost already too much to take with ten feet between us.
