Page 37 of Worship
My hand curls around my glass with enough force to shatter it, and my jaw tenses.
“Every sin needs a goddamn penance. She doesn’t get absolution because I don’t love her.” I throw the rest of my drink back. “I gave her a place in my goddamn bed, in my fucking life, and what she did made a mockery of that.” Leaning back into my chair, my voice is calm and deadly. “I don’t forgive or forget, so she’ll pay a price. A price as high as I did, as high as Ella will. It’s not good enough to be sorry. I don’t want sorrow; I want to take away her hope.”
HOLY SHIT, IS ALL THAT’Sgoing through my mind as I walk down the stairs. I have way too many questions holding court in my brain, the first being what the fuck did I just do? Because I think the answer is “I almost did Luca.”
He has me spinning in circles; it’s like his lips left an imprint on mine, and I can’t stop tracing my fingers across them, reliving the memory. Holy shit, I let him chase me—fuck that was erotic. It’s as if everything he’s made of was made for me.
I’ve never done that with anyone, but I’ve always wanted to. It’s just not something you bring up on a first date or ever, really. I’ve always tucked it away in a box, in the fantasy section of my brain, but Luca seems to have a key.
I grab my purse and walk to Drew.
“Hey, I’m so tired. I’m going to bail, but thank you for tonight.”
She hugs me and looks at my face. She seems concerned, but I ignore her and wave goodbye to the guys through the window. Drew gives me one more hug, and we walk to the door just as Luca walks down the stairs. I don’t look at him; instead I rummage around in my purse for my phone, pretending to pass him without noticing his eyes on me.
“Call me tomorrow?” Drews asks.
“Yeah.”
I pull the door open and shut it behind me, inhaling the night air like I’m being cleansed. My phone immediately starts to buzz, and I look at the screen to see Drew’s name.
“Um hey, did I forget something? I’m literally outside your door.”
I’m half expecting for the line to be dead like she accidentally called me.
“Nope, but let’s talk?” Shit. She knows something.
“What’s up?” My voice is as distracted as I feel, while I make my way to my car and hop in.
“When did you and Luca become friends? I can’t remember you mentioning it…” Fuck. Detective Drew Matthews is on the case.
“Am I being interrogated? Recently…actually, we started talking before his accident. We conspired a few times to get you and Dom back together, but it wasn’t until after the accident that we just kind of fell into conversation.” I can’t help but feel like I’m being judged. I’m pretty sure that’s my guilty conscience.
“Are you sleeping with Luca?” she blurts out. I start to panic, and laughter falls from my lips.
“What’s funny?” The serious tone in her voice makes me laugh harder.
This is all so crazy that if I don’t laugh, I’ll go insane. I take a deep, calming breath.
“Tact, Drew. What the hell kind of question is that?”
“An honest one,” she answers flatly. “Don’t take me wrong, I’m not judging. At all. But his life is more than just complicated. You’re my best friend—I want to make sure you’re okay, babe. I’ll pound him if he hurts you.”
I hold the wheel tightly as I pull into traffic, the call on speaker.
“I love you. Thank you.” She’s always got my back. “No, I’m not sleeping with Luca, but we kissed.”
She sucks in a breath, and I roll my eyes at her.
She may have a heart attack if I tell her I rode his leg like I was in the rodeo and let him chase me down like prey. Instead I tell her my real issue.
“I wish I regretted it, but I don’t, and I have no idea where to go from here because that man is off-limits to me. My feelings just seem to be betraying me at every turn.”
Silence stretches through the speaker, and then she breathes out, “Well damn.”
“Yeah. Agreed. Solve my life’s problems in this car ride so I can actually sleep tonight?” I answer, running my fingers through my hair while sitting at a red light.
She laughs. “You want to know what I know so you can have some of the facts to help you decide?”Is she kidding?
