Page 9 of Truth
Shaking his head, he grabs a pillow and walks to where I stand. Quick as lightning, he nabs my nipple between his fingers.
“Ow, Nick,” I yelp as he squeezes hard before I can swat his hand away. “What the fuck are you doing?” I’m angry and confused, and tears well in my eyes. He hasn’t done this since… My thoughts are cut off by his voice.
“That’s your punishment for making me sleep on the couch. Isn’t this what you want, Drew? To fight so we can make up? You think I don’t want you?” Gripping the back of my neck, he assails my mouth, blending our tongues together, making my body heat up. Even though it feels wrong, mean, my body responds in all the right ways. The marriage of the two fills my thoughts with more confusion until I just let go and fall into bed with Nick…and deeper into his hold.
The only thought left in my head as I shake off the memory has me in a vise grip. I need to leave Nick.
“YOU ALL PACKED UP?”NICKstrolls into the bedroom with that arrogant smile, the one that claims his victory, as I zip up my bag. He does “Ivy League” justice with his six-foot lean frame adorned with blond hair, neatly cut, and ice-blue eyes. He is traditionally handsome, all American, the kind of guy your mother prays for you to bring home. My mother loves him. I loved him.
“Yep, just looking for my hand sanitizer. Figured I should stock up for the weekend.” I roll my eyes. I can’t believe I’m doing this. He played dirty and had Tina call, knowing that I would never be impolite and refuse a personal invitation. Then again, maybe I’m just conditioned to be obedient. Nick puts his hands on my shoulders to turn me around. “I thought we were going to have a better attitude about this.”
I hate when he speaks to me like a child. I hate it when he speaks.
I just stand there looking at him, just staring at his features, the sandy-blond hair and blue eyes set against long black lashes that are only diminished by his strong jawline and broad shoulders. He’s so handsome, like a real-life Prince Charming, except he isn’t a prince. I just keep looking at him, wondering how someone so perfect on paper can be the beast in real life. Or maybe I’m the beast—after all, I okayed all of his treatment. That’s the funny thing: he doesn’t hit me or call me names. He doesn’t scream at me or tell me I’m stupid. His coercion of my spirit is subtle and manipulative. He’s held me underwater just long enough that I almost stopped fighting.
“I dislike myself when I’m with you, and I don’t know if that’s because of me or because of you…”
His face is incredulous. “That would be a‘you’ problem, sweetheart.”
I’m not sure he likes me either.
Moving his hands off my shoulders, he steps back. “Oh, here we go. Is this the part where you become the victim and tell me how I’m holding you back from being your true self or some shit like that? Sounds like maybe you’ve been reading too much self-help. Or wait, wait…let me guess, I say mean things to you.” His voice ends with mocking baby talk.Dick.
My eyes grow wide, my anger boiling at his mockery. “Oh, I’m not a victim. I’m an asshole, a huge asshole for thinking that those little quirks weren’t anything more than quirks. You don’t care about me, Nick. You just want to control me. I’m just here for good looks and points with your boss. I don’t want this anymore.”
“What are you talking about? Do you even hear yourself?” Nick grabs my bag and walks over to me, extending it out to me. “Pipe down with the dramatics. You realize you are trying to make our relationship fail based on a fucking girls’ weekend. Come on, how can you hate yourself when I love you? Huh? Let me walk you out…” Putting his hand on my shoulder, he urges me along out of our shared apartment and out to the party bus that is waiting for me.Why the fuck don’t I walk out and keep walking? I’m not strong enough. I need this space to say and do what I need to. It may be chickenshit, but it’s a start.
Taking my bag from his hand, I turn toward the bus doors. I can see the girls inside already preparing for the weekend. The amount of pink feather boas makes me slightly nauseated as I speed down the walkway of our rental house to the waiting bus.
Footsteps grow louder behind me. “Drew, seriously, wait a minute. I don’t want us to go off like this. I’m sorry you feel bullied into this, but I really need this right now.” His voice is hushed, embarrassment etched on his face. I can smell his desperation. This is a new side to Nick I haven’t seen. “Patrick is a friend, but more importantly he has pull at this company. I need him right now; things aren’t as great as I may have made them seem. I need you. I wouldn’t ask for the help if I didn’t need it. Please just be nice and make them love you. It’s for my future…” After a pause, he corrects himself. “Our future.”
The idea makes me cringe. I just want to scream out,We don’t have a future, but that would make this whole situation even more awkward. But the words are like soda being shaken in a can. They burst from my lips in a hiss, and my hand jumps to my mouth in an attempt to stop the combustion. I can feel the curious eyes burning up my back, probably intrigued at the look of anger on Nick’s face. Maybe this trip is the perfect solution to my problems. I need space from Nick to clear my mind to build my resolve.
“Not now, Drew” is the only affirmation he gives that he hears my words as he stands stoic.
“Okay” is all I muster before I turn my back to him, making my way up the bus steps and plastering a super fake smile to accompany the hoots and hollers as I enter. I actually feel relieved when the doors close and the bus gears up to move. I haven’t looked to see if Nick is standing and watching me pull away because I just can’t pretend to care anymore. This weekend is a reprieve and a parting gift.
I make my way to the back of the bus and plop my bag down on an empty chair, sliding into the chair next to it, while Tina’s maid of honor, Cassie, stands in the aisle giving a rundown of the weekend’s itinerary.
“All right, ladies, we are going to partayyyy this weekend! Oh my God, it’s going to be totes amazing, and guess what?” She does a little wiggle dance, and everyone screams. “I got us on a totally impossible list for a club called Church. Wait for it…it’s a fucking sex club!” She screams, they all scream, and I just want to jump off the bus.
Rolling my eyes, I look right to see Tina looking at me. Whoops. She stands as the commotion begins to settle and makes her way to the back where I am sitting. All I feel is immediate anxiety. I can’t believe she saw me roll my eyes. I may not like her and I may be using this party as an excuse to get the heck out of Dodge, but it’s never my intention to ruin her party.
“Hey, so this is awkward, but I just wanted to say I ‘get it.’” Smiling down at me, she sits in the empty chair across the aisle.
“Get it?” I shake my head, not clear as to what she means.
“Yeah, I mean…” Staring down at her hands, she seems nervous. “I understand that you had to come. Pat and Nick go way back, and obviously they want their girlfriends to be friends, but I get that we don’t really have anything in common, so don’t worry…if you want to blow off all of the weekend’s activities, your secret is safe with me.”
Now that isn’t something I was expecting at all! I feel like a jerk; it’s her bachelorette party, and I’m being a baby!
“No, Tina, I’m super happy to be a part of your celebration. I mean, yeah, this isn’t really my scene, but I’m sorry I gave the impression I was a big ol’ baby and didn’t know how to have fun. Let’s just have a great weekend, and maybe we will find out we have more in common than we think we do.” I totally believe it when I say it.
“Oh, okay, but seriously you can totally stay in. I mean, we are going hard this weekend, and I know that really isn’t your thang. The hotel has a really awesome spa too! Maybe we can just all get together for like lunches or dinners? You should definitely come to the crazy sex club place; I think we could use a grown-up for that one.”
Looking toward the front, I see the others whispering and looking back. I’m in middle school again—god, I really dislike these girls. I thought she was trying to be nice, but she may as well be paying me because I’m clearly the babysitter. I change my mind. I don’t want to jump off the bus—I’d like to toss her!
“Sounds great, Tina. I could use a spa weekend. Since we’re on the same page, just make sure to say lots of nice things about me and Nick.” I nod before I reach into my bag to retrieve my phone, hoping that my hint is big enough for her.
