Page 24 of Female Fantasy
Female vocalists who stay in their feelings for a living.
I hit a particularly loud high note incredibly off-key, and Nico bursts out laughing.
“How do you sound exactly the same as you did at thirteen?” he asks, bewildered. “You’ve somehow managed not to age at all.”
I shrug. It’s not my fault that I have a youthful exuberance. In fact, I thrive on my silliness, my ability to find joy in things that are mundane. After Kyle, I honestly consider that a win. There was a time where I’d go days, if not weeks, without laughing. Now I make it my personal mission to put myself first, to take myself out of situations that don’t serve me and put a smile on my own face.
Pulling out my phone, I fire off a quick message to my SaltyGirls to update them on my mission. When I told my group chat what I was planning, they were understandably skeptical but supportive. That’s the nice thing about having best friends who could basically be bots: they’re in it for the voyeurism, for the adventure. They’ll never, say, platonically love-bomb you for months, then ghost you over a misunderstanding. If you crash and burn, it’s no skin off their backs.
Right?
StepOnMeRyke432:The mer has swum out of her cave. I repeat: THE MER HAS SWUM OUT OF HER CAVE.
SoManyQueefs:Shit…new york doesn’t know what’s coming.
MERderMe71:Pls be careful!!! And update us every step of the way. We DEMAND pics
MERderMe71:Of his face. Not his…you know
SoManyQueefs:Dick?
MERderMe71:ok fml
LilMinnow69:You know I live in nyc right Joon??? If u have time, hmu :)
I close the chat so fast I get whiplash.
Don’t get me wrong: I love Angel with a fiery passion. But meeting them in person would make our relationship a little too…real. Through a screen, it’s impossible to disappoint someone. Or allow them to disappoint me. Relationships feel more intentional. I can take time to think about what I say and how I say it. There’s a certain level of imagination at play.I can world build the person I want to be. And the people I want them to be.
What if they meet the real me and I fall short?
What if I meet them and they let me down?
Everyone lets me down eventually.
Sam. Kyle.
The heathen currently behind the wheel.
Then I’d lose my only real friends for good. I can never let that happen.
Nico grabs my phone out of my hand and changes the music to some sad boy emo rock. I grunt my disapproval, and he gives me a triumphant grin.
“So, what’s the real reason you’re heading to New York?”
I snap out of my spiral, his question catching me off guard.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I force myself to fake a smile.
Nico gives me the side-eye. “Yes, you do. I Googled the name of your creative writing program. Turns out it doesn’t exist.”
“It’s very underground. A Sprouse twin started it. The pretentious one.”
“Sure. And I secretly moonlight as a pop star.”
I feign shock. “You too?!”
“Come on, Joon. Fess up.”
