Page 99 of Female Fantasy
Tey lets out a laugh of disbelief. “Do I need to lecture you about the stalking?”
“No, not really?”
“So…your dream guy didn’t meet your golden standards, huh?”
“Not exactly.” I swallow. “He was a dream. I just woke up is all.”
Tey clicks his tongue in thought. “Why’d you lie to me?”
I take a deep breath. “You already think I’m silly for holding everyone I date to standards set by a fictional character. Why would I confide in you about chasing down the man that fictional character is based on? You, Maman, Baba, Nico…after everything that happened in school, and then again with Kyle, you all think I’m just some stupid kid with her head in the clouds. Naïve. I didn’t want you to think I was living in another fantasy world. Maybe if Ryan Mare had been The One, if we had shared something real, everyone finally would’ve taken me seriously.”
The line is silent for a moment. Then Tey clears his throat.
“Is that what you think, Joonie? I remember what it was like for you when you were a kid. You were this ray of sunshine until those racist bullies dimmed your light. That Sam kid broke your spirit. And even though you never told me what went down between you and Nico after he stood you upfor that dance, it was obvious that shit broke your heart, too. The darkness began to linger. I know you wanted to change in college to make everything easier on yourself, but that never sat right with me. And then when you started dating that asshole, Cole—”
“Kyle.”
“Whatever. It was like he took the very last of your shine and stamped it out like a cigarette. You were a shell of yourself, and even though you never said anything to Maman and Baba, we could see it.”
My eyes well up without my consent. “But I thought you liked him. You were always so nice whenever we came to visit. I didn’t want to disappoint you guys after everything.”
“We loveyou, Joon. Exactly the way you are. The day you left him, I was so relieved. Because I could see that your spark had never truly been extinguished. And I knew that over time, you’d grow back into the girl we all knew.”
My heart feels so full, it might burst. “Then why do you always make fun of me?”
Miles away, I hear him buzz his lips. “At first, I was so proud that you finally saw how much you were worth, that you’d set your standards so high,” he explains. “But after a while, I began to worry that you were usingA Tale of Salt Water and Secretsand Rake—”
“Ryke.”
“Whatever. That you were using Ryke as a crutch to keep people at an arm’s length. If you didn’t really let anyone in, no one could get close enough to hurt you again. Don’t get mewrong, you dated some turds. And there’s obviously real value in that series—I mean, it gave you a community and taught you how to pack a mean punch. But I think the fantasy of it all became an excuse. A reason to find fault with potential love interests because deep down, you still didn’t think you were worthy of that kind of love. Because of what those asshole high schoolers said to you. Because of what that douchebag Kyle did to you.”
The weight of his words settles right into that cavern in my chest. “Well, maybe there’s a little bit of truth to that,” I say quietly. “But I’m trying to change. Starting today.”
“With Nico?” he asks, letting out a strangled laugh. “Can’t say I’m surprised.”
That comment catches me off guard. “What do you mean? Until forty-eight hours ago, I thought he hated me.”
“Joonie.” He says my name like it’s the punchline of a joke. “Nico never hated you. When you started shutting him out when we were kids, he was devastated. He’d already lost so much when his folks split up, and you used to look at him like he’d hung the moon. Losing you was too much for him. It was like the whole night sky went dark, you know?”
“But we’re always at each other’s throats! You know how much we fought! Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Wasn’t my mess to fix.” I can almost see him shrugging. “Plus, he was always finding some excuse to be near you, to spar with you. I figured it would come up organically sooner or later. Ollie was taking bets on when.”
“You bastard!” I cry. Then, a bit carefully, “So, you’re notmad that we, uh, hooked up, then?”
“Joon, if getting together with Nico means you force that grumpy asshole to crack a smile every now and then, I’ll bankroll your relationship.”
I let out a slow breath, my jaw tight with emotion. “Yeah, well, I wouldn’t break open your piggy bank just yet—and wewillbe talking about whatever the hell is going on with Kabobs ’n’ Bits’s finances when I’m back, by the way. I think I blew it with Nico, Tey. Before it ever really began. Pulled the ol’ push-them-away-before-they-get-too-close thing you were just talking about. I even knew it was my MO. But now I’ve lost my chance. He’s up in Harlem, finding that girl.”
“What girl?”
“You know. The girl he hooks up with in the city every few months.”
Tey grunts in disbelief. “Joon, Nico isn’t visiting a girl in Harlem.”
I don’t think I’ve heard him correctly. “He’s not?”
“Of course not. His mother lives in Harlem.”
