Page 61 of Female Fantasy
I shrug. “Easy. I want to pay my rent with my words. That doesn’t always mean writing the next great American screenplay. For me, it’s raising awareness about foot fungus by day and writing viral fanfic at night.”
“Have you ever thought about writing totally original stuff?” he asks. “A novel, perhaps?”
Maybe. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it—Tey is always bugging me about pushing myself, putting my original work out there more. “I guess it scares me,” I admit. “Being exposed like that. As a fanfic writer, I get to hide behind characters and a world that aren’t my own. Plus, I use a pen name. What if I create a universe and no one wants to live in it? Then it isn’t just StepOnMeRyke432 who fails. It’s Joonie.”
Nico uses his nails to tap against my notebook as if he’s knocking on a door. Asking permission to be let in. “Trying and not getting it right the first time wouldn’t make you a failure, Joon,” he says gently. “Do me a favor, okay? If you really don’t want to write anything but fanfiction, don’t do it. But make sure you aren’t holding yourself back because you’re afraid of not doing it perfectly and being rejected. Because the people who love you? They’re going to stick by you no matter what.”
I stare up at him, searching his face for a sign of sarcasm.For any indication that he’s teasing, pulling my leg. I wait for him to say,Gotcha!or follow up his speech with a backhanded compliment. But instead, he just blinks back at me, allowing me to process his words in my own time.
Is Nico right?
Have I been holding myself back from trying to write something else all this time because I’m afraid of people abandoning or turning on me? Like my parents?
Or Sam?
Kyle?
Nico himself?
Holy hell, I need a new therapist.
“The thing is,” I whisper, “I haven’t let anyone read my original writing since her.”
“Her?”
“Sam.”
Nico looks at me for a long second, his forehead scrunched in pain.
I’m unable to bear the weighted silence for even another millisecond.
“Joon—”
“What are we going to do about Kabobs ’n’ Bits?” I blurt out, desperate to change the subject. “If the bank forecloses on the property, what’s going to happen to Tey?”
Nico opens his mouth to answer, then closes it.
My heart starts to hammer.
An hour and a half later, I’m still attempting to come up with the best-case scenario to soothe myself when theconductor announces that we’re about to arrive at New York’s Penn Station.
I wait for my heart to flutter.
For my pulse to race.
I’m hours away from meeting Ryan Mare. From looking the real-life Ryke dead in the eye, right into his very soul. After years of waiting for my happily ever after, I’m about to grab it by the balls.
But all that’s on my mind are the words of the blond-haired boy who broke my heart when I was fifteen.
Nico clears his throat. “So I guess this is where we part ways, huh?”
Right. I’d totally forgotten that we only made plans to road tripintothe city together. “You’re staying in Harlem, right? With your lady of the night?”
He wrinkles his nose. “She’s not, you know, a sex worker. Not there’s anything wrong with sex work. But yeah, she lives in West Harlem. And your hotel is in Brooklyn?”
I nod. “Near the botanical gardens. They’re supposed to be beautiful this time of year. Maybe if we both have time before we head back to Mystic, we can…”
I trail off as I feel around in my purse and come up empty.
