Page 71 of To Swoon and to Spar
So he was leaving.
The thought of months—evenyears—spent alone in this creaking old house, on this wild, lonely patch of cliff, once so comforting, suddenly opened up before Jane like an abyss. This was what she had wanted. This was what it had all been for. This should be her moment of triumph, of victory—
Instead, all she felt was bone-deep yearning for something she’d never thought herself capable of needing:
Companionship.
The companionship of one person, in fact.
The one who was currently regarding her from the opposite end of the table, his gaze cool and distant, his words carving her heart neatly out of her chest.
Congratulations, Jane,she thought dully to herself.You did it.
And now it was too late to wish it undone.
An hour later, Diana found Jane in the library. Jane had hidden herself here after breakfast, wondering if she might just linger long enoughthat the others would give up and leave without saying their final farewells, sparing her the ache in her chest every time she glanced in Penvale’s direction and he did not meet her eyes.
But she would not be so lucky.
“Surely you’ve read that already.”
Startled by the sound of Diana’s voice, Jane glanced up from the book in her hand; she’d been staring at the same page for a quarter of an hour, absorbing not a single word before her, and indeed had to take a surreptitious glance down at the spine to remind herself what it was she was supposed to be reading.
Ah.
Pride and Prejudice.
“Of course I have,” she said coldly, which no doubt was precisely the response—and tone—Diana had expected, a suspicion confirmed by a faint grin crossing her sister-in-law’s face. Diana was wearing a gown of light blue muslin, a lace collar and sleeves lending the ensemble a bit more respectability than was offered by the low-necked evening gowns she seemed to favor.
“I like to reread books from time to time,” Jane added. “I wouldn’t expectyouto understand.”
Diana still did not rise to the bait. “I had hoped for a moment alone with you before we leave,” she said briskly. “May I join you?” She sat down next to Jane in the window seat without waiting for an answer. Jane pointedly did not withdraw her legs to make more space, but Diana seemed unconcerned by the hostility vibrating off of her.
“I do not pretend to understand your relationship with that idiot brother of mine,” she said without preamble.
“He’s not an idiot,” Jane said, some dormant protective instinct howling to life.
Diana favored her with a smile, which, naturally, made Jane even more suspicious. “You are merely proving my point.”
“I’m doing nothing of the sort.”
“Would you believe that I did not, in fact, come here to argue with you?” Diana adopted a tone of such determined cheerfulness that Jane began to feel somewhat alarmed. “And yet you make it so difficult. You make everything so difficult.”
“Did you have a reason for coming here other than to insult me?” Jane asked.
Diana inhaled sharply. “I’m sorry—that truly isn’t why I sought you out. You do have a way of provoking me, you know.” She said this half-frustratedly, half-admiringly.
Jane decided to be flattered. “I’ve noticed. You do make it so tempting to do so.” She gave Diana a cautious half-smile to show that she was not trying to start a quarrel.
“The feeling is entirely mutual,” Diana assured her. “But I suppose I would be hopelessly bored if Penvale had chosen someone more docile to marry, so really, I should be grateful.”
“This is touching,” Jane said. “I find myself at risk of needing a handkerchief. What did youactuallycome here to tell me?”
“That, again, I do not know what is going on between you and Penvale—every time I think I have a grasp on it, one of you does something utterly perplexing that sends me into a fit of despair once again—but I am fairly certain my brother is in love with you and is absolutely miserable to be headed back to London.”
“Last I checked, no one was forcing him to go.” The words came out sharp, but each one of them took considerable effort on Jane’s part to utter.
Diana gave her a speaking glance. “And yet anyone who has takenmore than three seconds to look at the man can tell he’s not happy to be leaving.”
