Page 32 of Snowbound with the Earl
“No. I need you to look me in the eye when I say that. I do not want to ever marry again, Graham. I do not want to ever be put under that yoke. This year, for the first time in twenty-eight years, I have my freedom. When you asked for my hand in marriage, all I heard was you asking for my freedom.”
“I don’t want your freedom,” he said before he could choke back the words. He took her shaking hands. “I only want you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I apologize for my reaction this afternoon, but I’ve waited for you for ten years. It felt as though, once again, you were being ripped away.”
“I don’t want us to part, Graham. I’m a widow now. We can be together.”
He failed to comprehend for a long moment. Finally, he blew out a breath. “I don’t want a mistress, Noelle, nor would I ever disrespect you by asking that of you. I want you as my wife, and I think you know me well enough to know I would never ask you to relinquish your freedom. Do you trust me? Do you believe I love you enough to allow you the freedom over where you go, what you do, what you think? Do you believe I would ever demand you give me your body? I would never take what’s not willingly, nay eagerly, given.”
Her eyes lowered, and he could see the struggle on her face. He hadn’t understood that asking this of her would cause so much pain. “I don’t want to force an answer from you. I will write to you after the holiday. We could meet again to discuss—”
“What about children?” she asked, looking up at him. The sheen of tears made her eyes look luminous. “You need an heir. I cannot have children.”
Graham grasped her hands tightly. “No,Bonnevillecouldn’t give you children. You may be carrying my child even now. Even if you cannot have children, I don’t care. I love you.”
She gasped, and he realized he hadn’t told her how he felt, how he still felt. “I’ve loved you these past ten years. I never stopped loving you. Because I love you, I want all of you. I want to wake up with you. Go to bed with you. Sit with you in my box at the theater and call you Lady Evergreen. I’m asking you to consider me for a husband. Whatever clauses you want in the marriage contract, I’ll agree to. May I write to you and continue this discussion?”
She bit her lip and gazed into his eyes. “On one condition.”
“Anything.”
“Dance with me.”
He cursed under his breath. “You know I detest dancing. The only balls I’ve ever attended were out of obligation or to see you and hold you in my arms.”
“I want to dance with you again. Dance with me tonight, at Lady Dorsey’s ball, and I’ll consider marrying you.”
Without another word, she rose, shook out her skirts, and started for the door.
“Is there nothing else I could do to persuade you? I assure you, I have an excellent imagination, and I know how to use it.”
She gave him a soft smile. “I’ll be downstairs.” And with that, she opened the door and departed.
Graham sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. He would need the brandy after all.
***
HE WAS NOT COMING DOWN. Noelle had been so certain Graham would be right on her heels. She had told the truth when she’d said she was afraid to marry, afraid of losing her independence. But this was Graham. She knew him. She knew the sort of man he was. He’d never seek to bend her to his whims.
And he loved her. He loved her! No one had ever loved her before, and that meant everything.
And yet...she wanted some sort of small concession. In her experience, men like her father and Bonneville were never willing to bend to a woman on even the smallest matters. If Noelle was to give Graham her trust by bestowing her hand in marriage, she wanted to be certain he was a man willing to bow to a woman’s wishes. She knew he hated dancing. He’d danced with her only a handful of times during her Season and only because that was the only way to spend time with her. He’d much preferred to take her riding or to the theater. Noelle knew why Graham didn’t enjoy dancing. He was a very poor dancer indeed.
And yet, that was the one thing she asked of him.
And he was not coming.
Eyes stinging with tears she refused to shed, she stared at the dance floor and watched Lord Jersey execute a step with Miss Halifax. Miss Halifax smiled at the viscount shyly while across the ballroom, Mr. and Mrs. Halifax smiled at each other. Perhaps all would end well for Miss Halifax. Lord Jersey was in want of a wife, and though he was at least twenty years older than Miss Halifax, he was still in very good form. Noelle hoped for the best for Miss Halifax.
Her father, on the other hand, was another matter. If she ever again encountered him in public, she’d give him the cut direct.
The dance ended, and Lord Foster escorted Miss Edmonton from the dance floor, depositing her near Noelle and bowing to her. Noelle pretended not to listen as Foster rose and leaned close to Miss Edmonton. “When we have all returned home, would you allow me to write to you, Miss Edmonton?” he asked.
Noelle imagined Miss Edmonton blushed. Her voice was quiet when she answered, “I’d like that very much, my lord.”
Noelle sighed, happy for the younger women. When Eva approached, she smiled. “Lady Dorsey, it seems you have hosted another successful house party,” she said.
“You are not angry about the snow? I did promise you we would not be snowbound.”
“You can hardly control the weather.” Noelle raised a brow. “Or is there something I don’t know?”
