Page 25 of Snowbound with the Earl
She closed her eyes, blinking back the tears. “Well, you were wrong about the lips. He rarely kissed me. He didn’t even touch me much. He was very...perfunctory.”
“Do you think that makes itbetter?”
She shook her head and opened her eyes. “No. I know you blame me, Graham, but what was I supposed to do? I was barely eighteen. My parents kept telling me I was too young to know what I wanted. They insisted I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t marry Viscount Bonneville. They said they loved me; they knew what was best for me. They begged too, Graham. They begged me to respect their decision and to honor their wishes. I am their only child. How was I supposed to disappoint them?”
He raked a hand through his hair, the anger seeming to leave him as he blew out a breath. “I detest them.”
“So do I.”
His gaze cut to hers. “What?”
She nodded. “Yes, over the years I came to detest them. When I married Bonneville, he took me to the country, away from all my friends and my family. My parents never came to visit, no matter how many letters I wrote pleading for them to come. Just for a day. My mother didn’t care that I was miserable. She used to answer me by saying that she was the fifth daughter of a duke and would have been grateful to marry a viscount. Instead, she’d had to marry a commoner. I should have been thanking her. My father—”
“Only cared about political power.” Graham nodded. “He told me when I asked for your hand. He said rejecting me was nothing personal, but if he was to become prime minister, he must aim higher for you.”
Noelle felt her belly churn, though Graham wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know. “I suppose we may both feel some vindication that he never became prime minister and doesn’t look likely to either.”
“Seems petty,” Graham said, and for the first time, she caught a smile playing on his lips.
“I hope you don’t think I am above pettiness.”
“I knew there was a reason I liked you,” he said. His face drained of color as he seemed to realize what he’d said. “What I meant was...” He waved a hand, as though brushing away the comment. Noelle held it close, though, unwilling to part with her one spark of hope. “What do your parents have in mind for you now?” he asked. “The mourning period has ended, and you are still a young woman. Surely, you might still be of use.”
Noelle looked down at her hands. Graham knew her parents well. He might even know them better than she because when her mother had started mentioning Noelle remarrying in her letters just a few months ago, Noelle had dismissed the idea. And yet, her mother continued to bring it up, no matter how forcefully Noelle resisted. Part of the reason she had come to this house party was to delay the holiday visit to her parents. Noelle suspected they would use the visit to exert pressure on her to marry again. No doubt her mother had drawn up a list of eligible men.
But Noelle was no longer a child of eighteen, and she had no intention of conceding to her parents’ wishes on this matter, or any other, again.
“What they want doesn’t matter. I’m no longer a child afraid to gainsay my parents. I’m an independent woman, and I shall do as I please.”
“And what’s that?” He leaned back in his chair, his expression curious.
“Well, for one, I’d like to help Miss Halifax. I’ve been in her position, and I know a little of how she feels.”
“She attempted to trap me into marriage. Forgive me if I don’t give a damn how she feels.”
“Graham, you know that scheme was not her idea. Her father forced her into it.”
Graham shook his head. “Be that as it may, I don’t see how you might help the girl other than what you’ve already done. Thank you, by the way. Miss Halifax is a sweet girl, but I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life married to her.”
Noelle tapped her chin. “She must marry someone, though. What do you think of Lord Jersey? He’s probably twenty years older than she, but he is looking for a wife. She could do worse.”
“I don’t want to talk about Miss Halifax or Lord Jersey.” Graham leaned forward.
Noelle took a fortifying breath. “I understand. I’ve explained my view of our—the—past. You haven’t yet said your piece.”
“You’re right. I still have questions. The first among them being, what the hell was wrong with Bonneville?”
Noelle blinked.
“Why didn’t he kiss you?”
She shook her head in confusion. “I don’t know. I don’t think he cared much for physical touch. I assure you, I didn’t mind. I did not want to kiss a man old enough to be my grandfather.”
“So before this morning, you hadn’t been kissed in over a decade.”
Noelle furrowed her brow. “I suppose not. I suppose the last person who kissed me before today was...” She looked up at him. “You.”
“I never gave you a proper kiss when I courted you. I was too much the gentleman.”
