Page 104 of Sense and Suitability
“I’ve been a fool in many parts of my life, Emme.” Simon’s voice dropped as his hand steadied her through the allemande turn, his gaze never leaving hers. “But this reluctant, misguided, cowardly fool has never stopped loving you.” He was so close that his breath fanned lightly against her cheek. “You alone have always held my heart.”
Every word fled her. Breath evaporated from her lungs. She would have stopped entirely if his hands hadn’t guided her seamlessly into the next steps. Her emotions splintered—love, frustration, and longing all battled within her. Why was he confessing this now, when they could do nothing about it?
“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, let alone your affection,” he said as they danced toward each other again. His words pulled her in as much as his arms did. “But you have shown me nothing but grace, even when I gave you every reason to despise me. You should not have a man who has been so careless with your heart.”
Their movements carried them apart again, and she used the reprieve to gather her thoughts. He gave himself far too little credit. She’d seen a glimpse of his life now, heard the ache of impossibility in his voice. When they came together once more, she met his gaze, her defenses rallied. “You have not been careless, Simon.” Her voice steadied. “Fumbling, perhaps, but I believe you’ve had so many cares that the last thing you’ve been is careless.”
Their turn ended and they took their spots across from each other again, waiting for the other two pairs to have their turn.
But he pressed on, relentless. It was as if he’d been waiting years to speak and not even the distance of a dance and a room filled withravenous socialites would stop him. “At first, I didn’t think it was possible for you to forgive me or for me to even pursue you.”
At first?Had something changed in his circumstances?
“I didn’t want to hope for it, only to break your heart.”
“Break my heart?” She forced a light laugh, though her voice wavered. “You’ve already done that, Simon, and I survived.”
The words seemed to hit him with the same force she’d felt moments ago. He blinked, then softened his expression into one of such unguarded adoration that she very nearlydidswoon. “Yes,” he said quietly. “Strong enough to survive, care for my siblings, and even help me find a bride. Emme...”
She’d never heard him cradle her name as he did in that moment, half in plea, half in reverence. With all of his struggles, of which she knew only part, he also carried this affection for her, which he’d beautifully confessed. An affection that held him back.
“I think the real problem is that you’re willing to break yourownheart. I see you struggle with what you want to do and what youmustdo. And that hurts me far more than your leaving me ever could.” Their turn came again, drawing them back together. “Any woman would find a generous-hearted, intelligent, and witty husband in you. Whoever you choose, Simon, if you determine yourself, you can have a happy marriage. And the children will be happy to see you so.”
He completely stopped in the middle of their turn, tightening his hold on her waist. “I wantyou, Emme.” His gaze burned into hers. “I’ve always wanted you.”
She only stared, barely believing her ears. Or eyes. Or every other sense.
The next couple nearly stumbled into them as they paused mid-step, forcing Simon to resume the dance, but Emme barely understood how her feet worked. Why did he have to make it so hard to leave? She’d determined her heart. She’d accepted it all last night. She’dgrieved the loss of him again. And now, to have him express such sweet affections, such passion for her. It was too painful.
But at the next available moment, as she searched for words to say, he continued, “From the first moment you startled me with your wit, I was captivated. You walked into my world with charm, light, and beauty. I went from finding joy in your company to seeking you out—and finally to needing you as if you were the air itself.”
She couldn’t breathe.
“And you loved me as I was,” he said, his tone thick with emotion. “You loved my family. And I will not forfeit a future with you. No matter what I must do or sacrifice, you are the best choice for me.”
She had read about men going mad for love, but Simon had never struck her as the type to lose his senses completely. Yet here he was, defying reason and reality all at once.
“But your family?” It was the only thing that came out of her mouth. A hundred things danced in her head, a hundred objections, but this one emerged first.
“My family”—his lips curved into a smile—“would gain far more from having you in our lives than any wealth could provide.”
Why did there have to be so much space between them? It was barely two feet, but it felt like a mile. She wanted to be close to him to try to understand. After months of attempting to accept a future where he married someone else, was he... changing everything?
“Emme, I will not be Willoughby. Not anymore. I will not be ruled by others’ expectations or the fear of financial ruin. Not if I must give you up.” He drew her back into a turn. “But... but you must know, it’s not going to be easy. I can only offer you the simplest life for now. But with hard work, solid investments, and time, I know we can move beyond my current menial funds to restore much of what my cousin and father lost. And then I can give you more of the life you not only are used to but deserve.”
He was speaking as if he intended to marry her.Her.The daughter of a country gentleman with a modest two-thousand-pound dowry.
“What... what are you saying?” Her breath shook out the question.
“Marry me.” The words burst through his smile. “Marry me, my darling. Allow me to love you freely and openly before the whole world. To care for you. To laugh with you. To grow old together.”
Tears stung her eyes. “Simon... we can’t. I won’t destroy your dear family. You’ll come to resent me when life is hard and we are poor. I can’t bear that thought.”
“My family is accustomed to struggling with our finances at this point, but it is unanimous among the entire household that we’d rather have you, with all your sunshine and joy among the walls of Ravenscross, than make sure the carpets are new. Even Aunt Agatha has agreed to maintain the allowance to enable us to marry... well, because she likes you. And she knows you and your family bring with them a reputation that can only strengthen Ravenscross.”
The warmth that had been brimming through her chest and into her face suddenly stilled, a painful icy shroud dousing the internal glow. Reputation. Everything hinged on her reputation?
Never had her secret as an authoress shot through her with such searing pain. Right here, right now, she had the prospect of a future with the man she loved. He’d asked her to marry him—the words she’d longed to hear two years ago.
