Page 117 of Some Like It Scot
I took the accusation. It was partly true, as far as having difficulty with compromising. The deepest pain of change had just happened—had been happening for a year as I watched my sister die. My heart couldn’t manage another change. Another shift in what felt like a sinking world at the time. “I was barely holding on within the familiar, loving world I had here. I cannae imagine how I or Lachlan would have healed as well anywhere else.”
“But you didn’t even try.” Her gaze pierced into mine. Hurt? Anger?
“Try?”
“To give me space. Freedom.” She shook her head. “If you’d just let me know my work and dreams were important to you. That you were as willing to sacrifice yours as I was mine.”
“You knew it already. We’d discussed it before Greer became sick. I’d always supported you.”
“Everything changed when she got sick. You barely left the island. Never had time for me.” She folded her arms across her chest. “It’s like I lost you long before we split up.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. I’d put so much of myself into the relationship with Allison to promote her design goals and travel with her to her events in an effort to further her career. And then Greer received her diagnosis. And all I could do to keep my sanity was make my world as small as possible. Keep my family nearby. Serve my sister and nephew.
I’d continued coming and going with Allison when possible, but those opportunities became fewer as Greer’s disease progressed. And Allison drew further away. Complained about my absence at her events.
“My whole world had turned upside down, Allison.”
“What about mine?” She stiffened. “You’d been my biggest fan, the strength I needed when I was afraid to try. And then you were gone. Or worse, you were hateful.”
“Hateful?”
Her eyes grew glossy, her pain still on the surface. “Do you even realize how you were then?”
Air burst from me. “Allison, I barely remembered how to breathe each day for a few weeks, so no, I don’t remember.”
Her eyes widened and then her jaw tensed. “You gave ultimatums. It was either give up my career or leave forever.” She stood. “That wasn’t fair.”
I slowly came to my feet. “As I recall, you weren’t willing to compromise either. It was follow you to Edinburgh straightaway or don’t ever come at all.”
“You pushed me away.”
“Did I?” I raked a hand through my hair. “Or was I trying to keep you close because I needed you?”
Stating the truth hit me. I had needed her. And she’d left. The pain had turned me inward, and I withdrew from everyone but my family. Then I focused upward when I realized no earthly being had the strength or ability to heal my heart. And that’s when I changed. When I found peace. When I began to heal.
I drew in a breath to steady myself. Perhaps Allison hadn’t found her own peace. “I’d just lost my twin sister, Allison. My head wasn’t working and I may have pushed too hard for an answer because I... I wanted you near.”
Some of the fight drained from her posture. “And I couldn’t handle being in the middle of all the... sadness. I had work I needed to do.”
And the picture came clearer with each sentence. Mum had been right. We both were at fault. Her selfishness. My grief and need to control. It created a cataclysmic encounter where no one won. “I’m not the same I was then.” I sighed. “I shouldn’t have pressed for ananswer, to expect you to stay. But I had a grieving little boy to think about and—”
“I... I didn’t have the energy to manage you and your grief. The timing of everything was just... well, hard for everyone.”
Katie would have stayed.
The thought pushed through my mind. She would have given up everything to stay. I just knew it.
“We both were wrong, Allison. And I’m sorry for my part.” I pushed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. “You were asking more from me than I could give. You wanted me to leave my family in the middle of our grief. I couldn’t.”
Something shifted in her expression, a pleading sort of look. She took a step forward. “Are you saying that if you hadn’t been grieving, you’d have left Mull and come with me?”
“Hadn’t I shown you enough? How much I loved you?”
She drew another step closer, her eyes watery. “Then come with me. Let’s start over. You can craft and I can design. We can have the life we dreamed together.” She took my hand. “I... I’ve never stopped loving you, Graeme. I’ve tried to have other relationships, but no one has loved me the way you did. Can we have a second chance?”
Katie
I pulled my bicycle to a stop at the side of Graeme’s cottage and studied the silver SUV in the drive. Had I seen that car before? At Craighill?
