Page 72 of Loyally, Luke
“It took me a bit to work through it.” His expression sobered. “I googled you.”
She winced.
He shrugged a shoulder. “I still don’t like it, but it made sense, why you didn’t tell me.” His brow rose. “No more mysteries, though, all right?”
“How can you be so... fine about it all?”
“Well, I’m not exactly fine.” He ran a hand over his chin, his gaze slipping down and then back to her face. “I can’t see our relationship moving in the direction I’d hoped, so that part of acceptance is tough to swallow.” He gave his head a firm shake. “Downright disappointing, to be completely honest, but your past? The reason you didn’t tell me who you were? That made sense.”
“Did it?”
“Izzy, my cousin, told me a quote once—I think it was by Oscar Wilde—that says, ‘Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.’ You sift through anybody’s backstory long enough and you’ll find messes we’re all trying to heal from, cover up, or forget.” He sighed, his dark gaze roaming her face as if he cared. And he did. She felt it like the hug she craved from him. “Yours just happened to be strewn across the internet. If someone did that to allmysins, I’d want to duck and hide forever too.” His grin widened. “But you’re not staying there. Which means you’re strong... and brave. And on the right side of your brokenness and heart struggles.”
She wasn’t too certain about that, since her heart felt a little too fragile to be steady at the moment. His words reached out to her in some magical way, soothing her insecurities like a balm.
“And if anyone looks at you like you’re still living in that past life, then they’re the ones with the heart problem. Not you.”
Warmth infused her inner being. She’d heard similar comfort from her parents, siblings, and closest friends, but to hear it put so gently and directly from this man, for whom she was beginning to care, touched her soul like nothing else—as if his large, rough craftsman’s hands had reached into all the vulnerable places of her heart and strengthened the weak spots.
She stepped closer, wanting those powerful arms to capture her in a hug. “I wish I could offer you... something more.”
“I suspect you’re planning on remaining a princess?”
She nodded. “And you have no interest or desire for a royal life or to leave your family.”
“No.” His gaze held hers, his smile sad. “I’m not meant for a life like yours.”
The declaration hit like a barb, even though she knew the truth before he spoke it. “Then what are we to do? Act as if nothing has happened between us? We’re still working together every day.” She shook her head with a little fierceness. “And... and I don’t want to go back to being strangers.”
“I’ve thought about that too.” He leaned back against the counter again. “I mean, I did promise my friend Ellie that I’d help her mark off some things from her list, and I like to stay true to my word.”
“I’d never hold you to that.” She couldn’t help but smile. “But I adore you for still wanting to help me. And be my friend.” She nibbled at her bottom lip and then addressed the massive elephant family in the room. “Do you think being friends is a possibility? Please say it is.”
His eyes creased at the corners with his smile and she wanted to hear his laugh again. “Well, if I can work really hard to keep thoughts of kissing you out of my head, I think it’s a real possibility.”
She shouldn’t agree to this. She should distance herself from him as much as she could until he returned to the U.S., but the very ideaof him being in the same country and her not spending time with him hurt nearly as much as the thought of hurting him. “You’re not the only one who’ll have to fight those thoughts, I assure you. I was just having an internal monologue about how wonderful it would feel to be in your arms.”
His jaw tightened and his stare intensified. “Yep. Sounds like we both need to turn our thoughts in a more friendly direction.” He gave his head a shake. “Or less friendly direction?”
“I’ll take friendship, if it’s a choice between that and nothing at all.” She stared up at him, now a step closer. “I know it’s horrible. If things were different, it wouldn’t be a problem. I just can’t change my life.”
“And I’m not asking you to.”
“I know.” Which endeared him to her even more. “But if all I have is two more months with you in my life on a regular basis, then I’d rather have you as my friend than nothing at all.”
“All right then.” He drew in a breath as if preparing himself for his answer. “If we’re going to be friends after kissing like we have, then I think we need to set some ground rules.”
“Ah, yes. Very good idea.” Ellie clasped her hands together, hating the idea but pushing up a smile because the right thing and the preferable thing didn’t always go hand in hand. “No more dates?”
“I don’t know if we’ve officially dated anyway.” Amusement lit his eyes. “Though that would have been my next question if—”
“I wasn’t a princess.” She sighed.
“It does put a damper on our relationship.”
“Touché.” She rolled her eyes with a chuckle. “AnotherPrincess Bridequote?”
“It fit too well not to use it.”
