Page 72 of Authentically, Izzy
With love,
Josephine
PS: You are excellent at what you do, Izzy. You always have been. You should be proud of your gifts and the way you can bring people together for the love of stories. You’ve even gotten Patrick reading.
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Josephine Martin
Date: April10
Subject: Re: Do you need help?
Josie,
YOU signed me up for Heart-to-Heart. I would hope you’d considered all of the possible consequences before entrusting me to the cyber dating world. (And I might add, Brodie has been the best “blind date” of your career.)
I am not exclusively seeing anyone. Eli and I are getting to know each other andmostlyI’m giving him feedback on his writing. Only within the past week have I felt like we’re actually becoming friends because we started talking about more thanhisbooks. I’ve never met Brodie in person, but if he’s willing to come so far to see me, I’m not going to stop him. People have fallen in love through correspondence for centuries. And the very fact that you mention Eli needs “coaching” makes me wonder if you’ve not been doing a little coaching of your own.
I’ve learned a few things about what I want in a relationship from meeting both Eli and Brodie. They represent two parts of my life. One is familiar, similar, and safe. The other is new, comfortable, exciting, and very unsafe (in the “predictability” department, not in the “kidnap me” way). But that’s caused me to also realize...
Love isn’t safe. Dreams aren’t safe. I’ve played it safe for a long time by allowing others to make choices for me or by following the easy path. Maybe it’s time for me to risk my future on something as unpredictable, uncertain, and impractical as a dream and my own heart. Adventures happen in unexpected ways, and maybe it’s time to take the adventures from the page to real life.
Josie, I can’t be the little orphan girl who came to live in your house all those years ago. The one you’d read to at night to keep my nightmares of the plane crash at bay. The lonely child who was so afraid to make a decision in this uncertain world of loss she’d entered, you’d make them for her. (EVERYONE made them for me.) The quiet loner who found refuge in her family and books. It’s taken me too long to realize that the only way tobecome brave is to face what we’re afraid of . . . and step forward. I could never have learned to be brave without our family’s love, but now it’s time to love me enough to support the strength I’ve gained from your love.
And trust that I’ve become someone who can make the right choices for my own future.
I love you, Josephine.
Izzy
PS: Warning: I’m going to quote a poet. From E. E. Cummings, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” Thank you for helping me grow into my wings. Now trust me to fly... and maybe even literally.
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Penelope Edgewood, Luke Edgewood, Josephine Martin
Date: April10
Subject: The Heart of the matter
Luke and Penelope (and Josephine),
Eli and I had a heart-to-heart today and it was shockingly enlightening. First of all he shared that he’d been fired from his first teaching job because of a relationship with the chair of his department that went sour. (I didn’t ask for specifics. I didn’t want to know.) His second job had been highly stressful, so he came to Mt. Airy because of two reasons: One, in search of something smaller with less professional pressure in hopes of making writing his eventual full-time job. And second, to fleeheartbreak. His fiancée of three years had broken up with him three months ago (did everyone see that—only THREE MONTHS AGO) and he was completely devastated and stunned. To him the breakup had come out of nowhere, without a clue as to why. Evidently my editing notes about the characteristics of a hero and what a heroine truly needs from her guy shook him into introspection. He began to see all the “ways he’d failed” in his relationship with her. How he’d been self-focused and driven, instead of really listening and showing he cared in a way she understood. I never imagined something like my edits could cause anyone to have an epiphany of life-changing proportions, but there you have it.
I told him that what he needed most right now was a friend and a story brainstormer, not a girlfriend. (He didn’t fully agree with me, but I made my point clear.) His heart really is still so full of her and he has a great deal to think about—the last thing he or I need is a rebound relationship. After a long and beautifully thoughtful conversation, he seemed to understand, but I’m not sure with the whole “acceptance” thing, because he asked me to dinner this Friday. I politely declined and suggested we meet at the library for future book talks so that nothing will seem date-ish at all. (Though I am CERTAIN libraries can be romantic places in both fictional and nonfictional ways.)
It’s strange how relationships work. I had a very Austen’s Emmamoment. Talking with Eli through his misunderstandings helped clarify my own. Life is too precious to hesitate when God offers the opportunity for something even better than what we imagine. I don’t know how things might ultimately work out with Brodie, and I’m prepared to have my heart shattered. My future is here. His is probably there. But if I don’t muster up some courageand risk the hurt, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, because I’ll never experience the possible joy.
Some people are worth the risk.
Contemplatively,
Izzy
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Brodie Sutherland
