Page 57 of Authentically, Izzy
Subject: A friend for my heart?
So... Eli sent another bouquet of roses as a thank-you for me reading his chaptersandhe took me on the sweetest little picnic after church yesterday. It really was a beautiful day to view the azaleas beginning to bloom and the redbud in full purple array. (Just a note: I didn’t see even ONE wilted daisy.) And Eli and I had some nice conversations about living in the country. He prefers to live near town but still appreciates the beauty of this place. He asked me what makes me laugh, and I told him excellent quotes, Samwise, and a few comedies I’ve loved forever. I couldn’t shake the feeling he was taking mental notes on my answers, so I chalked it up to his very distractible mind.
I couldn’t get him to open up too much about his past. Maybe he’ll open up eventually. I’ve never valued freedom in conversation so much in my life, especially after all of these conversations with Brodie. It’s made me realize how wonderful conversations with a man can be (besides you, Luke, of course). And you know,maybe I’ve never felt confident enough to try to be completely me in conversations . . . until now. It is very much like the quote Lizzie Bennet doles out on Darcy inPride and Prejudiceabout his conversing easily with others. “I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I would not take the trouble of practicing.” And practice I have... and shall! Now that I’ve experienced the wonderfulness of it, I can’t go back to awkward silence or one-way discourse. I am ruined to generic dialogue from this day forth.
I love these mountains, but I’m sending the most recent photos Brodie shared so that you all can appreciate the amazing beauty of his home. It looks like a magical place, like something from a historical-fantasy movie or a children’s fairy-tale book. Unreal and vibrant and... too good to be true. Kind of like how I feel about Brodie.
Oh, but he’s such a sweet friend. And that’s how I see him now, as someone who fits into my day as easily as the two of you. I wouldn't have believed it possible that an online relationship could become so... real, but it has. Surprisingly and wonderfully real. No hologram could equal this.
And before you correct me, Penelope, it is only a friendship. I have to think of it that way. Even though we came to know one another through a dating site, there’s been no talk of more. I’m happy with what it all is right now, and friendship “matches” have the potential to be every bit as powerful as the romantic sort. Just think of Merry and Pippin, or Eugene and Mortimer, or Sherlock and Watson.
Brodie seems to be such agoodman. I mean, genuinely good. Yes he’s quiet and quirky, but his heart is so full and kind. I never realized how much something like our conversations could mean to me. Simple conversations, without a kiss or handhold in sight.Oh, how well Regency novels prepared me for this moment. Whew . . . what would dancing with him be like? I’m all aflutter!
This relationship with him has helped me notice a few things about myself, things I’d always refused to see. That I am worth knowing and seeing. That my thoughts and feelings matter, and though I’ve made lots of mistakes in relationships, they’ve not all been my fault. How could I have believed those lies for so long? Does hurt paired with insecurity somehow weed out common sense and replace it with blindness? It’s made me want to really search deep for whatever dreams I’ve hidden away under the guise that... well, that they can’t come true.
I would never have believed it and I don’t really understand it, but how can I feel more connected to someone who lives on the other side of the world than to someone across the restaurant table? Does that make any sense at all?
What do I do with all these thoughts right now? I’m not quite sure. But there they are.
Wistfully,
Izzy
PS: It’s strange to feel sort of peaceful about my romantic future for the first time in my life.
PPS: Can hidden dreams include flying?
From: Luke Edgewood
To: Izzy Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April1
Subject: Re: A friend for my heart?
I’m surprised it took you this long to realize the ultimate value of words. Genuine ones. You’re the bookworm after all. Funny thing about seeing trees and forests, isn’t it?
My favorite friendship match is Calvin and Hobbes.
Luke
PS: I like Blighty. He laughed like he meant it.
PPS: I think your dreams are long overdue, unless it’s the one about the giant book that eats people. I think you can return that one to the library now.
From: Izzy Edgewood
To: Luke Edgewood, Penelope Edgewood
Date: April1
Subject: Re: A friend for my heart?
Speaking of words!! (Yes, Luke, I’m ignoring your big brother tone of voice.)
I just finished reading Eli’s chapters. Oh dear, he cannot write romance. I actually cringed when reading something like, “She looked into his eyes, every fiber of her being hoping he cared for her. She trembled with the need for his love. For his acceptance of her. Even if all he ended up doing was allowing her to be near him. He was her everything. What would she do if he rejected her?”
This woman has no self-worth at all. Perhaps I should send excerpts of Lizzie Bennet, Jo March, or Hester Prynne to encourage a more well-rounded idea of fictional-femalestrength. “What would she do if he rejected her?” Grow a spine and create her own path, if she’s worth the wordheroine. And she wrings her hands incessantly. Why? Oh, let me tell you. “She ached for him to touch her fingers again. It seemed as if she couldn't keep her hands still from the memory of his warmth, so she twisted her fingers together, waiting. Hoping. When would he relieve her suffering?”
