Page 115 of Fortress of Ambrose
Her mind raced, searching her body once more, her empty chest, for some inkling of the emotion she’d lost. She swallowed to wet her dry throat. Her body still tingled with the dregs of pleasure. But that was all…
Sheets were tight in her fist.Feel something!But there was nothing there. She felt nothing when she looked at him.
“You’re not okay,” he said.
She was anything but okay. It wasn’t working. She stood and gathered Yagrin’s clothes. She couldn’t do this.
“Yagrin.” She handed him his things.
“I don’t understand. Was it something I—”
“It’s me. It’s always been me. You are perfect.” She tried to turn away to march to the door, but he grabbed her by the arm.
“You don’t feel anything between us right now?” he asked, finally getting her meaning.
“I feel regret. Deep regret over letting myself hope.” She felt all the wrong things, none of which filled her emptiness.
Yagrin’s eyes widened as he swiped something from her cheek. Her tear glistened on his finger. And he did the strangest thing. He smiled.
“Regret can’t exist without love.” He dressed and left. Nore closed the door behind him, curled up in a ball right there on the floor, and cried herself to sleep.
Forty-Seven
Quell
It’s been two days since I destroyed the gate outside of Chateau Soleil, and I haven’t had the stomach to tell anyone. Not even Jordan. But I’ve hardly seen him. He’s been spending the entire day with Ube and Erla, and he hasn’t returned to my room and has had an excuse for dinner both nights.
Thankfully, the vines keep the gap in the wall reasonably covered. I’ve drowned my shame in the library but can’t find a single book that mentions the roses.The irony.Everyone looks at me as if I could actually serve as a good Headmistress, when the first thing I’ve done is destroy the protections the previous Headmistress put in place.
I need answers. We need as much between us and the Dragunhead as possible. I scoop up another pointless book and shove it in my bag and hunt for Dexler. She and Cuthers worked closest with my grandmother over the years. Maybe she knows something.
I find her overseeing a group repairing damaged chandeliers in the formal dining room.
“Headmistress,” one of them says before dipping into a bend that I realize is supposed to be a curtsy, the rim of her pink velvet dress skimming the floor. She grins. “Did I do it right?”
“Where did you get that dress? And who taught you how to—”
She frowns.
“Yes,” I say, realizing I’ve taken all the wind out of this girl’s sails. She can’t be much older than me, with streaked chestnut hair and intensely green eyes. “You did it just fine.”
“Maezre Dexler gave me the dress.”
“Quell.” Dexler glides the back of her hand across her forehead. “I was beginning to worry they’d trapped you in that room upstairs instead of just repairing the wall.”
My cheeks burn with embarrassment for the second time today. “Thank you for doing that.”
“Abby fixed up a bunch of old garments I found around the House.” She dusts her dress. The one she wears today is finer than the one we found her in when we showed up. This one is made of lush purple taffeta with silver threading. “It’s starting to feel a bit more like home around here.” She brushes my arm. “I hope you feel that way.”
I smile tightly, unsure how to tell her that when I think of what’s on the other side of this chaos we are in, I see Jordan, sand, and blue ocean. I want the others here to be alright, to have access to magic, but I won’t be roped into a life I didn’t choose.
“You’re doing a great job.” Making this place feel more like a home will help the others settle in. All around, it is a win. I did notice, on my walk to and from the library each day, that there was less debris in the halls, more of the sconces were working, and the scorched walls in the foyer had been stained a beautiful glossy wood. The House is transforming, and it’s like watching a person inches from death come back to life.
“Waituntil you hear what else I’ve planned.” Her lips pucker with excitement, and I’m relieved. “I was able to get some of the maezres to agree to put on a few classes during the day so there’s something to study. Since there’s a mixture of abilities and some with none, we’re doing an elixir session for anyone, one on Shifting, and I was going to see if I can find enough good silver to do an old-fashioned seven-course-meal session. Like old times. For the little ones, I’m trying to find a good place on the grounds for a magical sensory station, where they can play withmagical objects and see if it wakes up any dormant magic inside them. Who knows, we may yet have someoneemergein all this chaos.”
She is brilliant. “See? I’m not even needed around here.”
Dexler rambles on. “It’s already been more chipper.”
