Page 97 of Ashes of Gold
“He stays,” I say, gesturing at Julius.
But the Seer closes her eyes, resting her head on the bark. Herhair is in a different style today. Taavi must be doting on her like she says. They are bonding, it seems. That has to be a good thing. I wonder what drove the wedge between them in the first place.
I search for the right words to prick the wound I’m about to open, but nothing sounds precise enough. The frustration bubbles to the surface before I can refine it into something that isn’t seeping with anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Silence.
A creature rustles over a crinkle of leaves somewhere in the distance. I wait. Waves lap the edge of the island. Still, she says nothing. The salty ocean air is thick on my skin. Thick in my hair.
“Whydidn’t you tell me the Chancellor was the man you fell in love with?” I squat to her field of view. “Look at me.”
She parts her lips to speak but sighs, twisting her dress in her hand. “If I’d told you that, it’s all you would have heard. Now that you’ve seen so much, you cannot unsee the rest. Once you’ve simmered down, that is.”
“You told me to trust no one. And yet between those same teeth you lied to me.”
“I am not your enemy, Jelani.”
“Tuh. I can’t tell. How could you sit there and look me in my eyes the first time you met me and say nothing?”
“It doesn’t work like that, Jelani. I answered the questions you’d asked. I told you to trust no one. I…”
“You acted like you wanted to help me!”
“I do, child.” She darts a glance around. “Sssh.I do!”
“Why? Is this some sort of guilt you’re carrying? Is that why you’re trying to help me? What’s in it for you?”
“No, I…” Her next words come out more choked, like bile she’d prefer to swallow. “What do you want to know, child? Ask.” She holds out a trembling hand, grimacing, and turns her face away.
“I don’t have anything to pay you!” I pace. “Youknewwhat he did to my people. How could you love a man like that? You just sat and watched him poison my people? Then roll in like some wannabe white knight?”
“Enough!” She pulls herself upright. “He didn’t poison them. Not exactly.” She swallows. “I… I did.”
I stagger.
What?
“Wait… no, you said…”
“Listen.” She darts another glance over her shoulder. “Taavi doesn’t want you knowing this. She thinks you won’t have anything to do with us if you find out. But this is my doing, not hers. Hush and listen.”
I can’t move, her words are like quicksand.
“We fell in love when we were young. I’d never had attention from someone like him before. He was Moyechi, and they were all really brilliant with large plats of land. My mother and her people were Tuki, a clan of mostly servant women. But I was born with an affinity for potions, you see. My mother didn’t believe in any of that sort of thing, so when she saw that my baubles were making strange things happen, she threw out all my things. Xire, the Chancellor, that’s his real name, found me dumping my stuff at the shore. The first thing he said to me was, “Bury it instead.”
“He told me that the reason the world wanted me to throw away my potions was because they made me special. Different from them. They were jealous. We buried them together and spent each nightafter under the stars. He told me about his family, how he’d love to let me meet them one day. But not any time soon. He always had a reason I couldn’t meet his people, come to think of it. I was a servant girl, so I didn’t question it. I lived for the thrill of skipping through the forest under the stars, skinny-dipping at the edge of the island by moonlight.” She blushes. “I was quite a looker, though you probably can’t tell it now.”
I fold my legs underneath me and sit beside her.
“And then one day he came to me with boar blood or something on his hands. He told me he wanted me to dig up those potion ingredients where we buried them and try out something. We’d all known of the brown-skinned people on the island with magic. The Ghizoni tribe. But that had nothing to do with any of us. Beyond trade agreements with them, they kept to themselves. But Xire had said he heard of a new strain of magic on the island outside of the Ghizoni, and he bet if there was any truth to it, the magic would be in me.”
She rests a hand on her chest. “I mean, can you imagine? Me, magical? I couldn’t. And what did I know of magic? Lowly me. Potions weren’t the same as magic, not really. But he was determined to see if I could concoct whatever spell he’d found out. He gave me the instructions orally over several days, and I followed them. We met in the forest. The same spot. Each day the ingredient list got more and more vile, and that’s what still haunts me. I should have known. I should have known then that he was planning something terrible.” A tear slips down her cheek. “He loved me at one time. I truly believe that. But he loved himself more. He’s calculating and always three steps ahead, you see.”
“What happened with the potion?”
She takes a deep breath, smoothing away more tears. “The night the potion was done, the last step required letting it cook in the high sun. Then again for the same time under the high moon, stirring continuously. We’d collapsed by the time it was all done. My body on top of his, sweaty despite the sea breeze. We slept there, together, under the stars. I’ll spare you the details.”
“Thanks.”
