Page 46 of Ashes of Gold
“Falling. I hate heights.”
“And fear commands most of us more than love. But love is much more powerful.” She touches the gold band on her arm, tracing it with her fingers. “We adorn the left side, the side of the heart that is filled with love, as a reminder to hold love above all things. It is most precious, more lethal than poison, more powerful than the darkest magic.” Her armor glints in the sunlight. Like Kai, she holds her chin up… just naturally.
“It’s odd to hear you talk about something so… I don’t know. The Yakanna are so fearless.”
“I’ve seen the same in you. You fight with such passion.”
“Losing isn’t a privilege I can afford.”
“Well, love is a powerful fuel too. It can destroy life or give it,” she says. “It must be handled with intention. It is fragile.”
“Like glass.”
“Like a bomb.” Her composure cracks ever so slightly, her eyes tilting downward, but I don’t miss it. She loves someone… and she loves them dangerously deep. “The only thing I fear, Jelani, is the loss of love. And the threat of that loss makes me fight without fear.”
We walk the next half a block in silence and I’m grateful for it, because the conversation was beginning to make my stomach do flips. But just as we round another corner, she turns to me again.
“What do you fear, Jelani?”
I meet her eyes and find a challenge there. My parents’ faces trickle through my memory. I search for words but only find the ones bobbing on the surface. And that’s not what she’s asking. So I let the silence hang there.
I check on Bri behind us and she’s content with her gadgets, oblivious to Zora’s irritation with her. And for now, I’d like to keep it that way. Last thing we need is more reasons for us to divide. Unity is our greatest strength against the Chancellor. I glimpse at the sky; a sliver of the moon peeks behind clouds.
“Zora, what do you know about what’s out here?” I ask.
She doesn’t bring up my skirt of her question, and I’m grateful for it. Instead, she inhales deep, closing her eyes. “Can you smell them? They are watching.”
I smell burning. Smoke folds upward into the clouds in the distance. All the people who lived here have to still be here somewhere. With so much unknown lurking around every corner, darkness is a cloak, a friend to everyone. The night’s probably full of mothers clutching their babies, people walking in shadows because that’s where they feel safest. For as desolate as the streets are right here, there are pockets where it’s popping, I bet, and not in a good way.
“Who is ‘they’?” Bri asks, catching up to us.
“The Grays who intend to see the Chancellor rise back to his previous power,” she says, tucking a twine of gold behind her ear. “They call themselves Loyalists,” she answers, looking at me insteadof Bri. “And I fear the Chancellor has even more supporters than it appears. The cover of night is when many come out of their homes, hiding behind costumes and masks to terrorize whoever dare speak against the Chancellor.”
The thought of having neighbors and friends that smile at me every day, pretend to be on the side of right in this fight, only to slip out at night and burn homes in the name of the Chancellor, makes me boil with rage.
The leather glove on Zora’s forearm slips, revealing scratches slashed all over her skin. “Plainclothes Patrol are rumored to have joined them too.” She tugs her sleeves back up. “You can’t really tell where anyone’s loyalty lies just by looking.” She barely glances at Bri, but I don’t miss it.
Questions bite at my lips, but I don’t want to make her feel some kind of way. Like, why she wears gloves and how she knows all this. She’s been so helpful. I don’t want her to misunderstand, think I doubt her, so I keep my nosiness to myself.
“Do you know which neighborhoods they’ve left untouched?” Bri asks. A chorus of howls somewhere far away pierce the air. Zora halts, sticks out her javelin to stop us in our tracks, and presses a finger to her lips.
“I…,” I start.
But Zora gestures for me to wait. Jhamal catches up to us. The howls morph into growls, then a whimper. Then silence. Zora removes her stick.
“Mother Ike said your ears can see better than your eyes sometimes,” she says. “With their numbers, if we are ambushed unawares, it could be the difference between life and death.”
I conjure a ball of light into my palm and squeeze its warmth when my watch vibrates. Jhamal peeks over my shoulder. I walk a few steps ahead of him before reading.
Julius: Hello? So, do I need to pack shower shoes or?
Me: LOL. I won’t disappear again. But I’m literally in the middle of looking for a really important thing so I might be in and out. I’ma scoop you though. Promise.
Eventually.I’m in no hurry to put someone else who’s important to me in harm’s way, even if I did give him my word.
Julius: You know I watch a lot of spy 007 type shit. I could help you find whatever. If you’d *finally* come get me…
Me: I can’t yet.
