Page 33 of Ashes of Gold
“Do the fragments come back in dreams or flashes?” she asks.
“Yes. Both.”
“What about headaches?”
“Nope. None.”
She sits back on her heels, studying my face. “Any extreme physical fatigue or overall lethargy?”
“I was really weak at first. That lasted for several months.”
“Any scars you don’t remember getting?”
I show her the scars at the edge of my cuffs, where Jhamal had sewn stitches forever ago.
She strokes her chin. “Rue, when you woke up, what do you remember about what condition you were in?”
“I’d dreamed of drowning or something. My lips were cracked and peeling. In the cell, I don’t remember much. Just that Jhamal was huddled in a corner bawling his eyes out. When he saw me sit up, talking, he calmed down though.”
“Any weird smells? Tastes?”
“There was some sort of dry powder on my fingers and on these scratches actually. I distinctly remember a cup of water sitting by thegate to my cell. I didn’t drink it though, despite how thirsty I was. I was sure it was poisoned. Oh, and some sort of rancid flowery scent was in the air. It was weird.”
“Rue, those are side effects of a memory loss potion.”
I stop stacking books. Her smile is gone. She’s foreal.
“And those are weird. You can’t really controlwhatthe person forgets. You just sort of give it to them and the most recent memories become spotty.” She turns the book in her lap to face me. “Uh-huh, that’s what I thought. The most common side effect of a memory loss potion is—”
I lean over the open pages. “Immobility, extreme fatigue, extreme limitations of basic physical function.” There it is in the book in black and white. That’s why I was weakened. That’s why I don’t remember.
“Rue, I don’t think you forgot those fragments.”
She’s right.“Whatever happened in that lab… he must have not wanted me to know.” The thought sends a chill down my spine, my mind swimming with memories of Jhamal stitching me back together, nursing me back to health. “It took forever to get back on my feet again.”
“It’s a nasty brew too,” she says. “Calls for sap from a rare tree that’s toxic when measured wrong or heated too much. One misstep or improper ingredient and it could have killed you. Potions are a precise art.”
My fingers find my throat and I’m suddenly more aware of how hard my heart beats in my chest. How badly the Chancellor wants to stop it.
“The one good thing about memory potions is they wear off,” shesays. “It’ll come back in pieces… eventually. You’re probably having random visions now.”
I nod. “But why would he want me to forget temporarily? That doesn’t make sense.”
“Maybe he gave it to you for the side effects? To weaken you. So you couldn’t escape?” Her eyes tilt down. “Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“Nothing. It’s dumb.”
“Unless what, Bri?”
She meets my eyes hesitantly. “U-unless, he wanted you to forget because… you’ll be dead before remembering matters.”
A knock at the door startles me, and my pulse slows when I see Jhamal. Bati is with him and the remnants of their conversation stain their expressions.
“Jelani.” Bati’s smile is warm, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. The worry dug into his forehead is permanently etched there. And to a degree… I did that.
“Bati.” I slap his hand and pull him into another hug, hoping at least the appearance of being okay convinces him. And maybe even me. His shoulders shake with laughter and his eyes crease.
