Page 104 of Ashes of Gold
“I’m sure it’s exactly how it looks. I’m seeing clearly for the first time. But no, that’s not why I’m here.”
“No. Hear me out,” he says.
“I’m listening, but you ain’t saying shit!”
He parts his lips to speak but says nothing for several moments. “Jelani, I tried. Youknowme.” His eyes dart in Kai’s direction. “Come to Kai’s side. Join us.”
“Us.”
“Jelani. My…”
My Queen,he was going to say, but he stops.
“Join you? I can’t even look at you.”
“You said she didn’t want the crown,” Kai says. “Looks like she does.”
“This isn’t about a crown, Kai. If that’s what this is about for you, take it. I don’t want a crown. This is about honoring our Ancestors by keeping us alive. Moi Ike Yakanna herself—”
“Don’tspeak to me like you know more about the Mother than me.”
“Shut up.” I fling a sticky spell at her lips. “Feey’l.” I shove the air and she falls to sitting position. “You’re a disgrace to the Mother herself.”
I turn back to Jhamal. “I remember everything. The Patrol you were colluding with. The potion you fed me to weaken me and make me forget. So I’d be trapped in prison for months. Never mind how if you’d mixed that potion even slightly wrong, it could havekilled me.”
His eyes widen.
“What’s been your plan, huh? What did Patrol promise you for your betrayal? I’d bet you it’s a lie. Or was it all for her?” I look at Kai. “You just wanted to keep me under your thumb so you could conspire to put her on the throne? Did I even get rescued from that cell? Or was it a part of some master plan all along?”
Kai’s expression flashes with recognition.
“I… I…”
My anger burns hotter at his stuttering shock written there. How could he? How dare he? “I see you, Jhamal.” Flames flicker on my fingertips and I pin him harder to the wall.
“Rue.” Julius pulls at me, but I snatch my arm away.
“J-Jelani,” Jhamal stammers back, my flames flickering in his eyes.
“It takes a despicable kind of monster to pretend to love.”
He starts to speak, his eyes glazed with tears. From regret for what he did or regret from being caught, I don’t know. Tears sting my eyes too, and one steals its way down my cheek.
“Just tell me. Was it ever real?” I ask, cutting myself deeper, just to feel something.
“Jelani—” His face is hazy behind my salty vision.
“You could’ve been on my side,” I say, my voice cracking. I’m a wound bleeding, oozing everywhere, and I don’t know how to stop it.
He cuts Kai a glance and she’s sitting, a nasty smirk dancing on her lips.
“I have to stand with Kai on this, Jelani,” he says, and something inside me cracks. I hold him there a little longer, pretending the words he just muttered never existed. But the longer they hang in the air, the heavier they become. I can’t deny the truth anymore. The Seer predicted this betrayal. I just never in a million years thought it’d be him.
I touch his face once more before letting him go, running my fingers across the brow that sweat for me, the lines worn into creases around his eyes, the ones that sink in his cheeks. For what we had,what we once were, what I wished we would become. But my fingers feel foreign on his skin.
“I hate you,” I breathe, hoping my words break him. I let him up, my magic evaporating. Kai feels around her mouth, stretching her lips. I turn my back on Jhamal; I can’t look at him. Not now, not ever again. “I’m casting the spell, summoning the Ancestors. If I were you, I’d be far away when the time comes.”
Crunch.
