Page 85 of Ashes of Gold
I laugh because I know where this is going. We needed more volunteers or paid staff to accommodate more kids. I wasn’t just gonna let them be stuck. If they needed a place to go in lieu of school, Iwas gonna make sure they had one. I ended up with seventy-three signatures and a hefty donation from a church in the neighborhood. By midsummer we had classes for two-hundred-something kids from East Row. They kept the program going through the year after school, too.
“Them kids ain’t no different from these people here. You see a need and you fill it. That’s just who you are. Even if it takes sore feet, sleepless nights. You damn near missed your SAT test for that grassroots campaigning you had going.”
“Correction, Ididmiss. I had to reschedule, and you know them waivers ain’t guaranteed. Moms was not happy ’bout that. But the kids… it was worth it.”
“Rue, that’s why it’s hundreds of people down there riding with you. Because that heart you got”—he touches my chest—“shines through.”
A bright star catches my eye. It stands out so radiantly, I hardly notice the jagged building tops and biting chill in the air. “You always know what to say. Thanks for coming through, foreal.”
“Don’t act like I can’t throw hands,” he says.
“Mhmm.” Last fight I saw Jue in was in sixth grade, and he didn’t get one lick in, but I’ma let him make it. He’s always had to bolster himself up, make himself seem tough, so he didn’t get picked on. I never dealt with that, but Tasha did. So I get it.
He sucks his teeth.
“Don’t act like when you was slinging, you weren’t also hiding calculus flash cards from the bruhs. The crew you was running with had you in deep, fast, because they saw how charismatic and”—I gesture—“sagaciousyou are. You got them brains, boi.” I push against him.
He laughs into his fist. “Aight, facts.”
“I’m just saying…that’syour magic and it’s okay to lean into it. So I’ma do the fighting out here. That’s not why I brought you here.” He says nothing for several moments. He’s chewing. I can practically hear his brain whirring, digesting my protest of his obligatory masculinity. The box the world wants to put him in because he has gold teeth, a du-rag, and baggy jeans. Fuck that.
“I’m glad you’re here, Jue,” I say, lying against his shoulder.
“Me too.”
We let the silence blanket us, feeling no need to fill it. Just sitting here with him under the stars takes me back. To the stoop. To the place where I had my bearings. A place I knew my way around. I knew how to get stuff done my way. A place that felt like my lane. Now I’m here in this new environment, playing a different ball game entirely—one for which I’m still learning the rules. I better rise to the occasion quick because I’m up to the plate.
The moon sits high and I glance at my watch and shudder.
“You chilly?” Julius takes off his hoodie, his bare skin slick under the moon, gold links dangling down his chest. “Here.”
I know he’s cold, but I don’t argue. I slip it on. His sleeves are so big they swallow me, which makes it extra cozy. He turns toward me more so I can better fit into the nook between his jaw and shoulder, wrapping an arm around me. And I let myself breathe for just a second. Because for the first time in a long time, it feels safe to.
I drift and sleep takes me forcefully in its grip.
The hall is empty and Jhamal and I move down it. He holds a metal pole of some sort, coated and slick in red. He holds me up and I tell my knees to work, but they only half listen.
“Your magic, Jelani,” he says. “We will need it. Try harder. Please.” His voice cracks.
I dig, but it doesn’t answer. I bite down, straining for warmth, but my arms go loose, weak and limp next to me. My magic is there, but I don’t have the strength to wield it. What’s happened to me? A man with eyelashes flashes in my head.
Jhamal and I come to a set of stairs lit with glowing orbs. He pokes his head out and I dig for that familiar heat. My magic flutters in me, but lifting my arms is a fight. Like the very strength has gone from my body. I try to swallow, but my throat is chalky. I dust my lips and white powder coats my fingers.
“Water,” I manage. He pulls me up by the waist, and disappointment and something else I can’t quite place furrow his brow.
He looks both ways. I try to remember which way we’d come. How we even got in this place to suggest something, but my mind is morning mist on a chilly winter day.
Someone somewhere screams. A hand clasps my shoulder. My arm stings, crying stripes of blood.
“Ah!”I sit up, gasping.
“Rue? You knocked out there.”
I gulp, taking another deep breath, handing back his hoodie. Jhamal and I were trying to escape? W-we were running together, underground, before they captured us? I… but my magic.
“I was too weak to get out us of there. I…” I claw the ground.
“Rue, out of where? You okay?” He holds on to me. “Breathe. It was just a bad dream.”
