Page 63 of Ashes of Gold
“Me, first.” She crosses one leg over the other. “What happened to Totsi?”
Of course they know each other. The way that old woman looked at me—the shock on her face when she realized I wasn’t whom she’d expected—told me Totsi was protecting these people.
“I had nothing to do with her…” I can’t finish the sentence. Saying it aloud somehow makes it more real. Last time I saw Tot, she told me I’d always have a friend at her store. Was this what she meant? They don’t seem friendly. Had she known someone would come for her?
She presses her lips tight and looks away. Her shoulders hang. I move to face her, but she turns her head even farther from me. This lady isn’t trying to hurt me… at least I don’t think she is. I swallow the lump in my throat that I’m almost sure is something mixed with pride.
“Look, I found the shop like that. Last time I saw Totsi, she was smiling and fine.”
Her chin falls, and pressure to fill the silence needles at me.
“I’ve heard Loyalists are behind it,” I go on. “That the Chancellor put a hit on her.”
Her lip flinches and her fingers swipe away something from her cheek. “Thanks. And your friends are fine. Both are still asleep, I believe.”
“I want to see them. Now.”
“You will. I promise you, they’re fine. Grag told me you all were… alright.”
Grag.He didn’t clue me in to the secret trapdoor in Totsi’s shop. But he apparently vouched for us? Something about him doesn’t add up. Or there’s a chance I’m overthinking it.
I sit on the edge of the bed, far enough away in case she tries to pop off but close enough to see that she’s not tense because she’s angry. She’s tense because she’s sad. Maybe me and this lady just started off on the wrong foot.
“Totsi was a friend to me,” I say.
She nods, wiping her face with her hands before hopping up. “She had the nicest things to say about you, too.” She stuffs her hands in her back pockets and gazes toward the hole in the ceiling. “My sister was always the good judge of character.”
I shift in my seat. Totsi had a sister? And she knows who I am?
When I visited her shop, she’d give me space and books and time. A place to just be. And in Ghizon, that’s exactly what I needed. A spot away from the stares and whispers. She’d just sit with me sometimes, lay out a few treats. She always had these lemonberry ones I loved. Anything with berries, really. At first I ain’t say shit to her but “thanks.” I’d just eat and read. But the more often I visited, the more we’d talk.
But now that I think about it, she never told me anything about her. She gave me the space I needed, and I filled it withme.Why is itso easy to do that? To take what we need before seeing anyone else? Reason 284,027,401 I’d make a shitty Queen. I never even asked her about her family, where she came from, how she happened upon opening her shop there. And now it’s too late to ask her anything.
“I-I’m sorry,” I say, gesturing for her name.
“Taavi.”
“Taavi.” I offer a hand to shake. “Nice to meet you. I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thanks.” She moves to the door. “If you’ll just give me a minute to compose…”
“Take your time.” I can’t do shit like this anymore. I can’t have people on the periphery of my life but not take the time to really see them. Even if I am going through shit. I reach for my watch and find a couple of messages I missed from Jue.
Julius: So that’s a no, then.
Julius: Fam… wassup?
Me: I’m not alright, actually. But I’m trying to figure this shit out. Things good with you? I haven’t asked. Sorry.
It buzzes immediately.
Julius: Rue, it’s me. Talk to me.
The door creaks and Taavi reenters with bright eyes and some semblance of a smile. “Sorry about that. Yes, Loyalists have been a thorn in our side for some time now. We lost one of our own just the other day. They killed him for…”
“Desecrating a statue of the Chancellor. I know.”
She parts her lips and sits down on the bed.
