Page 51 of Ashes of Gold
The honesty in his eyes makes me pull tighter to him. His arm is hard against me, as iron willed as his determination. I love that about him—how he is a mirror to my strength. I could whoop his ass, but, like, if we squared up, it would be an even match. And he’d have it no other way. We fit together. Make each other stronger. Like we did in that cell. Like we’re doing out here now.
And yet… My thumb brushes the back of his hand in my grasp. On this topic, I’ve never felt more divided from him.
I study my feet. How do I make him understand? There are parts of who I am he’s never seen. Pieces of me rooted in ways he doesn’t quite grasp. I was an entire person with a life before I even realized I’m Ghizoni. And I guess he doesn’t know that Rue. I squeeze his hand, hoping he gets how badly I want him to. How badly I hope we can get there.
“Tell me, my Queen. What is it? What is it really?”
“Jhamal, I don’t half do things. If I’m going in, I’m going all the way in. Moms always said working twice as hard is just what it takes for people from where I’m from. A-and taking on somethingthatbig, with my heart not in it, is… a recipe for failure. And haven’t I failed us enough?”I have to do what I know.It’s who I am. That has to be enough.
“No,” he mutters to himself, his jaw set in that way he does. “I do not see this as a problem like you say. There is nothing you cannot do, Jelani.”
That’s not exactly what I said, but okay. In his world, I am the answer. The Chosen.
He stares as if he can see right through me. “I will not see you any other way. I cannot.” He throws an arm over my shoulder, pulling me in to him. I bite back my retort. He means no harm and he wouldn’t understand anyway. I swipe up on my watch.
Me: Jue, any word on T?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ABLOCK FROM TOTIS’S, Isquint through the dim light at the street ahead of us blockaded by a collapsed building.
“Totsi’s is on the other side of this pile of rubble.” But to get there we have to traipse through desecrated building.
Bri has her gadget with the suction cup at the end and holds it out in front of her. “Can we transport to the other side?” Bri asks.
“Without knowing what’s on the other side for sure… not a good idea.”
“It’s obviously another trap,” Jhamal says, inspecting the structure before gazing around.
“You feel it too?” I ask. “Something lurking.”
“I don’t like this,” Zora says. “Going in there with no idea of what’s inside.”
The hostage whose hands are tethered looks in our direction.
“Yes?” I say. But he says nothing. He’s probably got all sorts of songs he could sing. But how do I get it out of him? The Chancellor would probably use torture. That’s not me. I sigh. I’ll think of something.
“And you’re sure there is no way around?” Jhamal asks.
Bri waves her device in the air. “None.”
The pile of lacquered walls, concrete, and glass that was once a stately structure lies in the middle of a street like a present on a doorstep we’re meant to find.
“We go through.”
Everyone nods, silent. Our hostage fidgets.
“Wait!” Bri digs in her bag and pulls out a container with pills and a vial of green liquid. “Before we go in there, take this.” She hands me a pill and vial, then offers the same to Zora. But Zora doesn’t even acknowledge her.
“Just in case things go poorly,” Bri says. “This potion will make any wounds you sustain heal quicker. It’s usually a paste, but I dried it out to powder form. More versatile that way.”
I want to say, “Where was that when we were being chased with fire arrows?” But I swallow it back down and let my friend make it. Glad she’s at least more composed this time. I sniff the potion, and mintiness stings my nose, my sinuses opening wide. I drop the pill in the vial and the potion fizzes like a hot soda can that’s been shaken up. I tip my head back and drink. It’s sweet with a note of tang, like wildflower honey, but with an acidic burn going down.
“Gross, I know. But it’ll help.” Bri offers the potion to Zora again.
Her expression is steel. “I do not need your tricks.”
“Zora, if Bri says it’ll work, it’ll work.”
