Page 60 of Deadly Secrets
Brooke rubbed her thumb across an invisible stain on her jean leg. “Those memories are part of me. I need to bring them forth so I can deal with them and move on.”
“Spoken like someone who’s spent too much time in therapy.”
They shared a smile.
“Truth?” Brooke said. “I’m terrified to remember them.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“You honestly don’t think we should sit here and try to resurrect them?”
“Is that what you want?”
Brooke sighed deeply. “If I truly believed it would help Roman solve this case, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“But you don’t think it will, even though you’re sure The Reverend is your childhood attacker?”
“I’m sure the man who broke into my rental car and left me that notecard is the same man who killed the Dunkirks. It’s possible he’s also The Reverend, but I can’t positively say they’re one and the same.”
“Your intuition says it is, though.”
“Maybe I just really want it to be so I can lay my childhood demons to rest.”
Emma patted Brooke’s knee. “Being here helping with this case? It’s going to do that to some extent, regardless of whether your childhood attacker and The Reverend are the same or not.”
“You think so?”
“I think all of your degrees and experience, which I completely respect and admire, are actually cushions to pad yourself from what happened to you as a kid. They make you feel worthy and able to prove to your parents, and all the people who shunned you back then, that you’re not an outcast.”
“You think I lack self-confidence?”
“Not in the areas of your education, but perhaps in your personal life.”
Damn. How could someone know her so well after only a few minutes?
Emma showed no judgment, only open honesty. “You survived a horrific incident, Brooke, and your friend didn’t. Survivor’s guilt is written all over your face every time you mention her. You said yourself that you lived with an alcoholic mother and you were treated unfairly by others. Your father abandoned you. No amount of time on this couch or any other is going to heal that.”
Finally. Someone who understood. “Survivor’s guilt is hard to explain to people.”
“I’ve seen a lot of it. Experienced it myself.”
“People tell you it’s not your fault. You know on a cognitive level that’s true, but emotionally…”
“It feels like it is. Like there is no justice in the world. It sucks.”
Yep, Emma definitely got it. “I didn’t realize I was using my education as a substitute for my absentee parents.”
“Aren’t we all?”
Another shared smile.
“Truth? One of the reasons I went into religious studies and criminal justice was in order to hunt down the killer. For years, I focused hot and heavy on finding him—I was kind of…obsessed. Still am.”
“As a kid, you felt helpless. As an adult, you knew you had resources and a chance of bringing him to justice.”
Justice. The word rang inside her chest like a gong. They all deserved it. Aleisha, her parents, the men, women, and children killed by The Reverend and his group. “The hope that I will find him has never completely gone away, but after exhausting every avenue available, I had to be realistic and move on.”
“Except you can’t because of what you experienced.”
