Page 66 of Deadly Attraction
“I didn’t wear a condom. I totally… Well, you made me so freakin’ nuts, I didn’t even think about it. I screwed up.”
A fissure of worry flared to life in her belly. “You have an STD?”
“What?” He leaned up on an elbow and looked down at her. “No. But I possibly just got you pregnant. I’m such an idiot. I used to keep a condom on me at all times, but in the past year or so… Sex wasn’t doing it for me, you know? I had no interest in hookups. Just zilch.”
Pregnant. If only…
“I’m clean, too.” Emma batted back the pressure behind her eyeballs. “Don’t worry.”
“But what if I just—”
Emma put a finger to his lips. “You didn’t. Trust me.”
His brows furrowed. “You’re on the Pill, then?”
She shook her head, blinked back the tears that suddenly threatened to spill. “I can’t have kids. Not after the mis…” She had to stop and take a breath. “Not after I lost Skye.”
Everything in his face went flat. His erection no longer poked at her. “Jesus, I’m sorry, Em. I didn’t know.”
She looked away, slanting her blurry attention to the stars outside again. “Of course, you didn’t. Don’t be silly.”
His fingers worked their way softly into her hair, massaging her scalp. He kissed her cheek, gave her a gentle hug. “Skye, huh? That was her name?”
Emma nodded, causing a hot tear to leak down her cheek. “No one knows that. Her name, I mean. You’re the first person I’ve ever told.”
She saw his mouth twitch at the realization that he was the only person she’d told her most intimate secret to. “It’s beautiful,” he whispered, lying back down and pulling her close. “Just like you.”
The office clock struck midnight and Emma let another tear roll down her face into the pillow. Wrapped in Mitch’s arms, she gave herself permission to cry, to mourn yet another night, another Christmas, without her daughter and the life she’d imagined she’d be living at this moment.
But no more tears came. Instead, she felt calm, soothed by the presence of the man holding her. He wasn’t afraid of tears. Wasn’t afraid she would lose her shit talking about her daughter. Her secret, her damaged psyche, as well as her physical body, were all more than safe with him.
“Do you want kids?” she heard herself saying after a few minutes.
And, whoops, that sounded like too much of a leading question. He was going to pull back now, assuming she was asking because she wanted a relationship, and…
“Never really thought about it,” he said, still holding her close. His breath was warm on her ear. “I guess I needed the right woman in my life—for marriage, kids, all that normal stuff—and the right one never came along. Then, after Mac died, I was so fuckin’ screwed up, it didn’t seem like having a family would be a good thing. Like you said earlier, I’d probably end up taking my PTSD out on my family. Hell, I’m already doing that. I can’t even talk to my mother.”
It pained her, his words. Pained her that she had no easy way to fix him.
Her next words seemed to tumble off her tongue. “I thought I had the right man for all that, but apparently I didn’t. He’s the only other man I’ve ever slept with, by the way. My ex. Him and you—you’re it.”
“Are you kidding me?” Mitch rose up again, a weird grin on his face as he peered down at her. “You were a virgin when you married?”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course not. Roland and I started dating in college. Until then, I was a bookish nerd and made a complete idiot out of myself when a boy so much as looked at me. My freshman year of college, my roommate gave me the clichéd geek to chic makeover.” She laughed as she pushed a strand of hair from her eyes. “Roland and I hooked up, and the rest is history.”
Mitch was still grinning. “So?”
“So what?”
“How do I compare? Against Roland the Douchebag?”
“Are you serious right now? You want me to grade your performance versus my ex-husband?”
“Damn straight, woman. You’re practically a virgin. I wish I’d known beforehand so I could have really shown you my best moves earlier, but hell. Tell me the truth. I rock compared to that bastard, don’t I?”
He did indeed. With Roland, she’d never been allowed to let herself go, ask for what she wanted. She’d sworn she’d never make that mistake again, and with Mitch, she’d felt totally unencumbered. Where Roland had always wanted to please himself, Mitch seemed more concerned with pleasing her. “I believe the dozen or so orgasms I experienced over the three hours of our love-making match speak for themselves.”
“Sweet Christmas.” He slapped the bed and whooped, his happiness echoing off the ceiling. “I knew it. Roland is a stupid name, by the way, and he’s an ass for leaving you. But lucky for me, he did. If you were still with that douchebag, I’d have to steal you away from him.”
