Page 22 of Revolve
“I know you haven’t told me why you smoked that night,” he says. “And I don’t know if you ever will, but I still believe that you wouldn’t do this on purpose. Especially with everything on the line.”
Tell him. The words claw at my throat to get out and free my chest of the weight that’s been dragging me down for years. How my parents can’t accept that our family won’t ever be the same, how my dad ruined their marriage, and their vow renewal is a farce. Smoking helped ease all that shit. For about ten seconds.
When I can’t bring myself to speak, Aiden nods to himself. “Kilner’s talking to Reed to get you reinstated. It’s not going to be easy, but I’ve talked to Dean Hutchins too.”
“You did?”
Aiden’s expression tells me he’s over my shit but for some reason he’s still willing to put up with me. “You don’t deserve to be cast aside because of a first-time offense. I’m not going to stop letting the dean know how many people believe in you.”
His words do something strange to my chest. “You’d do that for me?”
“No,” says Aiden. “I’ll do it for the other version of you. Because he’s my best friend.”
TEN
SIERRA
“HEY, ICE QUEEN,”Justin says.
I should have known this day was going to shit when I accidentally tugged on my Team USA windbreaker this morning. My pace quickens, but Justin catches up to me. His hair is styled, and he’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie. Standing like this, with his rosy cheeks and boy-next-door smile, feels oddly nostalgic. Like the times he would catch up to me outside the rink before practice.
“You were at the party the other night.” His mouth quirks into a smile. “I’m glad you’re getting out there again, Si. You deserve it.”
Be the bigger person, Sierra.“Thanks, Justin.”
The silence isn’t just the absence of sound. It’s a living thing, swollen with the weight of quiet sobs muffled into tear-soaked pillows and words that have echoed in my mind for months.
“I’ve been rehearsing what I’d say if I ever saw you again,” he says. “But now that you’re here, nothing I’ve practiced feels like it’s good enough.”
Just say you’re sorry.
I had convinced myself I didn’t need those words. Because how could I be angry at him for choosing himself? Why did I expect himto mess up his life just because mine was ruined? I had no right to think he’d stay and believe I could heal, when I didn’t.
Justin watches me with eyes that once grounded me, but now they surface my anger like a lighthouse.
“Sierra, I didn’t have a choice.” Those words are carried away with the wind because of how useless they are. As ifIhad a choice—like the unforgiving ice, solid beneath my body as my bones liquefied under my skin, had asked my permission. Nothing has been in my control since that fall, not this fractured life, not the anger, not even the way my chest tightens whenever I catch sight of my skates.
“I don’t need an explanation from you, Justin. We were just partners,” I say, my voice void of emotion as the lie floats between us.
He looks at me like I’ve hit him, and I know then he remembers that day. Hours before our final skate, he came into my hotel room and said he needed to confess his feelings for me. He kissed me then, and although I didn’t immediately kiss him back, I relaxed.Finally, after four years, I’d done it, I’d made him happy. He told me there was only me for him, that after we won this thing, he wanted to celebrate with me.
“Just partners?” he repeats, sounding wounded, like he hadn’t imagined I’d become this version of myself, so cold andmean. “How could you say that? You were never like this, Sierra. I thought you would be over this by now.”
I halt so abruptly, he doesn’t realize I’ve stopped until he’s a few steps ahead of me. “Over what?”
His brows pinch together. “Huh?”
“Over. What?” I repeat. “What should I be over, Justin?”
I’ve never spoken to him like this. In all the years we were partners, he called the shots, and I blindly followed. But after the accident, something harsh ripped open my chest and made a home there. I let it take over, because I’d choose anger over my tears any day.
“You know what I mean. It’s been a year, Sierra. Having you act like we were nothing hurts.” His voice cracks, and his brows curveupward in sad little apostrophes, and maybe a year ago that would have worked on me. But now it makes me want to rip his eyebrows off his face.
After all this time he hasn’t once considered that I was hurt ten times worse than he would be from my silence. It was him who made the decision to leave me and find a new partner. His dream to win gold was much bigger than whatever we created the past four years. It was all a lie.
There’s no one else for me, ice queen.
“I think you’re forgettingyouleft me, Justin. I would never have done that to you.”
