Page 115 of Revolve
“You trust me?” I murmur, lifting her chin, holding her there, so close I can feel the words on her lips.
“So much.”
The need to keep her, to hold her in my arms, shifts into a gnawing, obsessive type of possession. I want her to need me. Not just for this, but for everything.
I would keep this girl forever if she let me.
I’M QUITTING HOCKEY.
That’s not a thought I’ve ever had, but something changed last night and this morning. I want to do it now, when Sierra knows it’s not impulsive. Missing the Grand Prix means I can practice harder for nationals. I’d get her on that first-place podium no matter what.
“You’re sure about this?” Kilner asks me after practice for a third time. When I said I’d play one last game, he stared at me for so long, I noticed the brown flecks in his blue eyes.
I love this sport, but it doesn’t even come close to the feeling I get when I skate with Sierra. I’ve had this pull to be on the ice my whole life, and I’ve always thought it was for hockey, but the moment my hand finds the warmth of hers, it’s all I care about. Winning feels useless if I’m not doing it with her.
“I am.”
Kian sniffles beside me. “Like really, really sure?” I told him on the way to practice, which I regretted, because he won’t leave my side. In Coach’s office, he hugged me for an entire seven minutes and didn’t stop until Kilner told him he’d be on bag skates.
“Yes, Kian, I’m sure. I’ve thought this through, and I love hockey, but this is my future. It’s where I’m meant to be.”
Kilner smiles, and it doesn’t freak us out this time. “I’m proud of you, son.” Then he stands and I do too, because he hugs me. The man’s getting sentimental. It’s weird.
Kian doesn’t ask to join the hug, he just does. When we exit the arena, he’s already on his phone, filling everyone in. My phone blows up, but I only check Sierra’s text. She tells me she’s been studying allday and she’s going to sleep early. I don’t bother checking the rest of the messages from the team. Kian and I head home, where everyone’s watching the game.
Aiden’s on the couch icing his calf when he sees me. Since he hasn’t been cleared to play, he stuck around after my birthday. “Heard you made a decision.”
I nod, plopping on the cushion beside him. “If you’re going to talk me out of it—”
“I’m not. I think it’s the right thing. I’m proud of you, D.”
A weight lifts off my shoulders, and I can tell from the way he says it that he’s been waiting years to say those words. I’m just glad I finally feel proud of myself too.
“Thanks,” I say. “It fucking feels like it. Like things are finally right, aside from all the bullshit with my parents.” The guys go eerily still. Like it’s a shock to hear me bring up anything about myself. Then it happens; I spill everything. I tell them how my dad is still cheating, about the vow renewal call from them a few months back, the weed, and the failed drug test.
My friends blink at me like they’ve never seen me before. “Their vow renewal? Is that what that invitation was?” Kian asks. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I don’t want to be the friend that burdens you with my shit. We all have our own lives, and friends are supposed to make life easier, not harder.”
Aiden’s brows knit together. “You think you’re not allowed to have problems because you’re … you? We’ve all relied on each other, that’s how we’ve gotten through our shit.”
“I’m supposed to be the one who doesn’t take anything serious. Not the one unloading his family drama. No one wants that kind of person around.”
“But we do,” Aiden says. “Hiding it doesn’t mean we didn’t know you were struggling. I hope you know that we’d listen, whether it’s the carefree you or the one struggling to talk about your parents.”
Cole and Sebastian peel their gaze away from the TV. “Us too, Double D.”
Kian nods. “You’ve been there for us, more times than I can count. It’s only right that we get to do the same. That’s how this friendship works.”
The vulnerability feels raw, like an open wound that I haven’t shown anyone but Sierra. For this first time, it doesn’t feel like I’m leaving something behind, it feels like I’ve gained so much more.
FORTY-ONE
SIERRA
SLEEPING IN DYLAN’Sarms was the first time in over a year that I woke up feeling completely safe. Aside from the time in the hospital when my mom slept with me, that was it. Right there with Dylan.
“Out of respect for your relationship, I won’t ask any details, but just give me a crumb,” Scarlett says when we’re in the kitchen warming up the lunch we brought up from the dining hall. Yesterday’s hungover Scarlett told me she needed to know everything, but only after her head stopped feeling like a marching band was parading through it. So, since she’s returned from the dead today, I told her how Dylan reacted to the surprise everyone helped with and then how I became his girlfriend. I’ve never been anyone’s girlfriend, but I’m glad I get to be his.
