Page 95 of Heartbreaker
It can’t be. Surely, he would’ve gotten rid of it by now. My gaze flickers up to meet his, then back down to his wrist. I know that if you lift that shirt cuff, you’ll find a simple black heart withSJin the center. I still remember when he got it years ago. I couldn’t believe he’d do something like that. Getting your significant other’s name tattooed is supposed to be bad luck, but John Brooks doesn’t care for superstitions. Still…why would he keep it?
His voice draws my attention forward again. “I apologized for that. I shouldn’t have put you in the situation, and I told you—”
“I-I lost. Fair and square. I—”
“Bullshit.” He cuts me off. “That’s bullshit, Savannah. You really expect me to believe that? I know better. You could’ve easily kicked out, and you didn’t. You let me win. Why?”
His gaze is as intense as the tone of his voice. Every answer that comes to mind isn’t good enough. How do I explain why I let him win in a way that he might understand? I don’t understand it myself. I didn’t come back to EWE to fix things, but the longer I’m here…that’s all I want to do.
“Savannah.” Brooks sighs, scrubbing a hand across his stubbled jaw. “I don’t—”
“I’m sorry,” I say. It’s the only thing that seems right in this moment. Blue eyes narrow across the table. “I’m not sorry that I left, but I am sorry for how I did it.”
“What does that mean?”
“You hurt me, John. Deeply.” His name flows past my lips before I can stop it, and it feels good to call him by his real name, notBrooks. If the look on his face is any indication, I would say he feels the same. “I-I was hurt. I was humiliated. I felt like I didn’t know you anymore. This person I had spent almost five years with, the man I thought I was going to marry, to spend the rest of my life with…I had just found out you only started dating me because of a damn bet on top of feeling like—”
“That’s not true. I’vealwayswanted you.”
“But you didn’t…” I sigh and card a hand through my hair, pushing it off my shoulder. It’s suddenly warm in here. “You didn’t ask me on your own, Brooks, and—”
“Because you didn’t want me to, Savannah! You made that very clear the first New Year’s at Willow Pond. You wanted to be left alone.”
“No! I wanted you to give me time to find my footing at a company where you were already established. I never expected you to read my mind or know when I’d feel ready, but if you had just…” I take a deep breath and wring my hands together. Closing my eyes, I try to keep my emotions in check. “It shouldn’t have taken a bet for—”
“Can we not do this here?” he all but begs from across the table, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Please.”
“When do you suggest we do it, then?” I don’t mean to snap, but the words come out harsh and unforgiving. If not now, when? Maybe we could’ve talked about this in the last few days if he hadn’t been avoiding me.
Before he can respond, the waitress arrives and takes our full order. When she’s gone, neither of us tries to continue the conversation. I can hear the sound of his index finger scratching against the white linen before he sighs.
“I don’t want to do this in front of an audience,” Brooks says. I blink my gaze back to him, but his remains on the table. “Because, despite what you think, Savannah, despite what you believe, I was trying to protect you. I know that’s not an excuse. I should’ve told you, I know that, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“I know that.”
“I don’t think you do.” The circular motion of his finger stops, and he folds his hands. “And I don’t think you realize how hard this—you being back—has been for me. These have been the hardest two weeks of my life, Sav. I never expected you to walk through that curtain. And I never thought you would walk back into my life, but not be part of it. I’ve been trying to keep you at arm’s length, but trying not to be cold to you, and it’s been exhausting.” His eyes blink closed, and when he opens them again, wetness lines his lashes. He wipes it away. “When you said you didn’t love me—”
“Because you told me to!” My outburst clings to the air around us. “You told me to, John. That’s what you wanted.”
“No! What I wanted was for the woman I love to say it’s okay. Yes, you were mad, you were angry, but I wanted you to say you still loved me, and that it was going to be okay. I wanted you to tell me we’d figure it out, Savannah. But instead, youran. You called your brother, packed your shit, and you were going to leave without saying goodbye.”
“I wasn’t—”
“Yes, you were.” His face pulls into a tight line. “After Thanksgiving, you started to shut me out—”
I scoff. “No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did,” he says matter-of-factly. “I don’t know what happened outside of that tiff with my sister, but you shut me out. Then you found out about Drake, and it hurt you. I get it. But part of me thinks you were just scared. Scared of what came next. Scared of taking those next steps, and—”
“That’s not fair.”
“Why not? It makes sense when you think about it. You were young when we got together, mid-twenties, and I’m older—”
“That has nothing to do with it. You being seven years older than me isn’t—”
“Why else would you jump at the first opportunity to leave?”
The question leaves me speechless.
