Page 75 of Begin Again
“Momma, can I stay with Uncle Beau?” Elena asks, electing him as her official handler for the ceremony. She tightens hergrip around his neck, giving me her biggest and brightestplease, please, pleaseeyes.
“If he’s okay with it, I’m okay with it,” I say, unable to deny her request. I wasn’t going to deny her any source of comfort today, even if it was bound to piss off her Uncle Alex.
Beau readjusts Elena to sit on his shoulders and her hands grip the top of his head, patting his skin affectionately. Her eyes scan the crowd, an advantage from her new height, and she waves at someone in the distance. When Beau is comfortable with her position, he raises his eyes to meet mine again. “Hi,” he says with a small smile.
“Hey.” Some of the anxiety I have been feeling disappears when I hug him and he returns the gesture. We stand in the embrace for a moment longer than we probably should, but I don’t care. “Thank you for being here,” I say when we part.
“Whatever you need, Sweetheart.” He wraps his hands around Elena’s calves and motions me forward to where the rest of the family waits.
“You guys know Sheriff Turner,” I say, approaching them.
“Beau.” Jimmy is the first to step forward, extending his hand, which Beau takes without question. “Good to see you.”
“Wish it was under better circumstances,” Beau says.
“Don’t we all?”
One by one, everyone welcomes Beau without a second glance, except Alex, who keeps his distance. Every so often I notice the sideways glances he shoots at Beau or me, but at least he keeps his mouth shut. After our conversation yesterday, I wouldn’t be surprised if Lara warned him against causing a scene today. I make a mental note to thank her when we get home.
The ceremony happens in the blink of an eye, and before I know it, Jimmy invites Beau to join us for dinner. I thought about it but didn’t want to push the boundaries, especially nottoday. But if Jimmy is okay with it, who am I to say no? Beau looks at me for confirmation and I don’t hesitate to nod.
When we get to the table, I smile when Beau sits on the other side of Elena without hesitation. Halfway through dinner, I feel his touch on my shoulder, sending a wave of fire across my skin. It makes me crave his touch everywhere else. Makes me yearn for him in a way I know I shouldn’t. And it makes me want to finish what we started this morning in his office…and the only thought I have is,I am so fucked.
“That was Mom,” Kai says, walking into the kitchen. I stand with my hands under the faucet, filling them with cold water before bringing them to my face, trying everything I can to erase the thoughts of Beau from my head, at least for now. It doesn’t feel right to have these kinds of thoughts on today of all days.
Fucked.
I am so fucked.
“You good, Nin?” Kai asks when I come up for air. His brow is cocked so high it’s practically in his hair.
“Fine.” I sigh, wiping my face with a clean towel. “What did Brina have to say?” At the mention of her name, his eyes drop to the marbled counter, his fingers picking at an invisible speck. Placing my hand on top of his, I squeeze his fingers. “Kai, what’s going on?”
“She’s in the hospital.”
Shit.I sigh. Already? It’s barely been three months.
“Nin, it’s not…” He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes, taking a deep breath to wrangle in his emotions. “I had to talk to the nurse because Mom was irritated and distracted. She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t there. Why webotharen’t there. She even asked about Dad.”
“She doesn’t remember?”
“The nurse said pancreatic cancer can affect the memory, especially with the chemo.”
“How long?” I ask.
Kai shrugs. “Honestly, the nurse said to be prepared.”
I sigh, pulling my brother into a tight embrace and rubbing my hand down his back. “I’m sorry, Kai.”
We stand there for a few quiet moments before he finally pulls away and wipes under his eyes.
“We’ll be in the city tomorrow. You should go see her.”
“Do you…Do you want to come with me?” His voice is small, asking the question he already knows the answer to.
No, I don’t want to go with him. But without Eileen there, who else is going to do it? And it’s not like Elizabeth will go. She wants nothing to do with her, either.
“I know you said—”
