Page 60 of Begin Again
“Oh, Sweetheart.” Beau steps forward. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—I shouldn’t have assumed. I just thought, when she told me—”
“Beau, it’s okay.” I place my hand on his chest to stop his rambling. I feel his heart racing beneath my touch. “I appreciate it more than you know.”
His hand swallows mine, holding it steady against his heart. “I’m sorry he couldn’t be here.”
Beau’s words strike a chord deep inside me. Without warning, my eyes begin to swell. As hard as I try to conceal the tears, I can’t, and they fall down my cheeks. His green eyes widen, and he removes the cake from my hands. He pulls me into his arms. Beau’s embrace is warm and comforting. One hand grasps the back of my neck, his thumb makes small circles on the skin; the other on my lower back holds me close as I cry into his chest. My fingers clutch the fabric of his tan button-up when a hard sob racks through me. He holds me tighter with each one.
“Let it out, Sweetheart,” he whispers against my temple. “I got you. You’re okay.”
“I can’t do this, Beau,” I cry into his shoulder. “I can’t…How am I supposed to—”
“You can do this, Nina.” Beau pulls back slightly to look me in the eye, maintaining his hold on my neck. His thumb continues to trace warming circles on my skin. “You are Davina Villa, and you are the strongest person I’ve ever fucking met.” There’s a soft smile on his lips when he pushes my hair from my face, cradling my cheek. “You can and will get through this.”
There’s a deep ache in my chest, a longing for something I will never know again, something that can never be replaced. All day, I’ve done my best to ignore it, but I can’t anymore. This is the first time I have spent my birthday without him in ten years.
Since our first trip to Haven—when he was pretending to be my boyfriend (but we won’t get into that)—Nick has never missed one of my birthdays. Not even when we agreed to separate for the two years he went back to college. The first year we sat on the phone for hours and talked about everything and nothing. We didn’t get off the phone until well after three in the morning. Before we hung up, he said, “I love you, Dee.” And the second year, I spent my birthday in Boston…with him. No one knows about it except his brother, and I’m surprised Alex has managed to keep it a secret. I was in town for a lecture and couldn’t resist the opportunity to see him. I showed up outside his apartment. I tried to talk myself out of it even though I desperately wanted to see him, and almost did until he found me standing outside…Then it was game over.
A fresh round of tears fills my eyes and my chest tightens. “I don’t want to do this without him, Beau.”
“I know, Sweetheart.” Beau sighs, brushing through my hair and pressing his lips to my forehead. “But you’re not alone. Okay? I’ll be here every step of the way…And your family, they’ll—”
“The family,” I scoff. “I’m the only one still holding on to some kind of hope that we’ll get real closure.”
“I doubt that.” He wipes away another tear before it falls down my cheek, and I lean into his touch. Everything about him is comforting and familiar. It’s the only thing that has brought me any sense of security since I got the phone call from Kai six months ago. “Nina, we are all here for you. You just have to let us in.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
January 2029
“CAN’T BELIEVE I GAVE him the week off,” I mumble, shoving my laptop in my purse. There is about a foot of fresh, powdered snow on the ground, and I can already feel the chill blowing in through the open door at the front of the plane. There’s at least a twenty-degree difference between here and New York. I finally landed in Colorado after spending the last month and a half on the east coast. Elena and I bounced between New York and Winchester, spending our weekdays in the city and weekends in the Lowcountry. And because I didn’t originally plan to return until next weekend, I gave everyone here this week off. I got lucky when I called Steve, he was free to fly me back on such short notice. I couldn’t spend another day in the city (or around my family). I needed space, and the only place I wanted to be was Haven.
The end of the year is a busy time for our family. Between September and December, there are a million things to do and celebrate. With the multitude of birthdays, wedding anniversaries, holidays, death anniversaries, and company events, it is truly the busiest time of the year. By the time my birthday rolls around at the end of each October, I’m ready for it to be January when work is the only thing I have to worry about.
And this past holiday season was no exception.
The holidays were…interesting. The gaping hole Nick left at the dinner table was joined by the absence of Michaela, Elizabeth, and their husbands. Granted, Mic and Elizabeth had a good excuse: they both gave birth in December and weren’t ready to be around outsiders. Alex and Lara played host for both Thanksgiving and Christmas at their new home in Charlotte, and while I was glad not to worry about hosting everyone, it only added to the awkwardness.
Alex and I have grown distant in recent months. Why? I’m not sure…Part of me wonders if Alex thinks I blame him for what happened. Part of me worries he blames me for not finding his brother. I’m Nina Villa. I’m supposed to be able to do anything…At least that’s what my brother-in-law has always believed. Our relationship has shifted as more time has worn on in the search for Nick, especially after Sergeant Warren explained the case is (essentially) closed from the State’s perspective.
“You need me to give you a ride home, Nina?” Steve asks from the cockpit door.
“No, I’ll be fine. Please enjoy the rest of your time off, Steve. I’m so sorry I bothered you.”
“Not a bother.” He waves me off. “Kai requested the plane on Tuesday anyway.” At least I know Kai will be bringing Elena back on the plane. She begged me to stay a little longer with her cousins and her uncle couldn’t say no. “You call me if you need anything. I’m gonna stick around until Sunday.”
I press a chaste kiss to Steve’s stubbled cheek on my way out of the plane, freezing at the top of the stairs, and not because of the drastic drop in temperature.
What is he doing here?
He’s not supposed to be here…yet here he is. I haven’t seen him in almost two months, but we’ve been in contact almost every day while I was gone. He keeps me informed if there are any new updates (there haven’t been) and I bother him to seeif there are any (even though there aren’t). They aren’t long conversations, but he’d check in, ask me how I was doing, and if I needed anything. Then he’d ask about Elena (Shortie, sorry), and then, he’d check in on the rest of the family. Once a week, he’d say he ran over to the house to check on it since it had been so cold. The conversation was easy and flowed naturally—no pressure, no expectations. Being gone made me miss him, and I didn’t even realize it until now.
He leans against the Spruce County Sheriff’s SUV, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded over his broad chest. A smile spreads across his face when our eyes meet.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, stepping down from the jet steps.
“Figured you might need a ride,” Beau says, wrapping his hand around the handle of my suitcase.
“But I didn’t—”
