Page 67 of Begin Again
“She wants to know her grandchildren, Nina. That’s it.”
“I said before and I’ll say it again, if you truly believe that, you’re dumber than I thought. Kai, she wants the company. She wants—”
“She has no right to the company!”
“You think that will stop her? This isBrina Villawe’re talking about. She will find a way, she always does.”
He finally crosses the room to sit down and is anything but his normal poised and composed self. His weighed-down posture exposes the truth about how my brother has been faring, and I wonder if there’s more going on than he’s telling me. “Nina, I don’t want this to come between us again.”
“Kai, if you feel this strongly about wanting to have a relationship with her, go for it. I won’t stop you, and when she proves to be the same person she has always been…I’ll be here to pick up the pieces. But if Brina is going to be somewhere, I won’t be, and neither will my daughter.”
“Nin—”
“Did you tell her about Nick?”
“Why would I tell her about Nick?”
“I don’t know, but someone did. Why else would she show up?”
Kai scrubs his hands down his face and sighs, but it’s one of those soul-crushing sighs that only confirms what I thought earlier. There’s something else going on.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
My brother stares at the ground. He gnaws on the inside of his cheek and fiddles with his hands. Finally, his gaze raises to meet mine, and for a moment I swear I’m looking at Daddy. He takes a deep breath, and says, “She’s dying, Nin.”
The pen in my hands clatters down to the desk. What does he mean she’s dying?
“She…She begged me to meet her, and after putting it off for practically a month, I finally sat down with her at the end of January. She has cancer, Nina. Pancreatic. They’re only giving her a year. Max.”
“You’re going to bring her into Ophelia and Fallon’s life only to rip her away from them in a year? If she even makes it that long. Do you know how fucked up that is?”
“She deserves to know her grandchildren, Nina.”
“And do the girls deserve to have their grandmother ripped away from them as soon as she comes into their lives? I can’t believe you would subject your children to something like this. This is unbelievably selfish, Kai.”
“She is our mom, Davina!” He practically jumps out of the chair, slamming his hand on my desk. “And we have spent the last ten years pretending she didn’t even exist because—”
“For good reason.”
My brother’s eyes are red with unshed tears and his hand grips the edge of my desk like it’s his only lifeline. “Ourmomis dying, Nina.”
And if Daddy was still alive, I know he would try to convince me to let her back into my life, too, regardless of what happened between them. He was always the peacemaker between me and Mother. He was the only one who could quell an argument before it started or end one with a single look. But Daddy isn’t alive, and even if he was, I wouldn’t subject Elena to more pain and loss than she has already had to deal with. She still hasn’t fully accepted Nick being gone. There are nights she calls out for him. Nights she comes to our room looking for him. Days she still asks me when he’s coming home. And I’m left to pick up the pieces of a three-year-old’s heart when she remembers Daddy is not coming home. Why would I want to subject her to even more of the same pain?
“Do you really hate hersomuch you don’t even care she’s going to die?”
I don’t know how I feel about her impending demise. I’m not sad, but it doesn’t make me want to jump for joy. Regardless, I’ve made up my mind: Brina will not be meeting Elena.
I push up from my chair and come around my desk to sit beside him. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, I say, “Kai, I’m sorry. I am. And I get it—why you want to have her around. You and Brina were always close. You had a relationship with her, I never did, so while I may not like that she’s around, I understand.”
His head hangs low, and he bites down on his bottom lip to keep it from quivering.
“It’s not right to involve your children, Kai. Youknowhow this ends…and it’s going to end sooner than later. This doesn’t change my mind about being around her. I won’t subject Elena to more loss any sooner than I have to.”
“I’m sorry, Nina.” Kai pushes his fingers into his eyes, hoping to prevent the tears from falling. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve…If I had just—”
“Kai, stop.” I put my hand on his knee. “I don’t blame you for what happened to Nick. My husband made his choice. He chose to go out for a hike alone without telling anyone. Nick did that, not you.” Now giving his knee a comforting squeeze, I say, “I’m sorry. Truly, I am so sorry you’re going through this.”
My brother nods, his head still hung low. I reach over and pull him into a hug, wrapping my arms around his frame. My brother clings to me as the tears begin to flow, soaking the fabric of my cardigan, and tears prick the corners of my own eyes. I hate seeing him in so much pain. I hate there’s nothing I can do to make it go away.
