Page 47 of Begin Again
The weight of his unspoken words begins to settle on my heart. He doesn’t have to finish the statement. I already know what comes next.
This isn’t some cruel joke. Nick isn’t going to pop out and yellGotcha!at any moment because he is…missing.
A heaviness gets lodged in my throat and the pounding of my heart drowns out any other sound. The air feels extremely hot,or maybe it’s me? I claw at my burning skin as a weight crushes down on my chest. I have to get out of here. I can’t…be here anymore. Turning on my heel, I make a beeline for my bedroom on the other side of the house.
Climbing the stairs of the turret, I ignore Kai’s pleas. As soon as the door closes, I’m met with incredible stillness compared to the hurricane inside me. Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back against the door, my hand keeping a death grip on the knob. The coolness of the metal feels good against the burn beneath my skin, but it’s not enough.
Moving through the sitting room into the bedroom, I open the balcony door and step outside as a cool breeze blows, and the beginnings of a snow flurry touch my skin. When my hands grasp the metal railing, I force myself to take a few slow, centering breaths. The burn settles into a simmer and the weight on my chest lifts enough that I can take a full breath.
Daylight has begun to rise behind the snow-covered peak in front of me. The house we bought after we sold the old family house in Haven sits further out in the wilderness, offering lush greenery and mountain views from every room. Our bedroom in particular has an unobstructed view of Mount Nebo, one of the trails Nick and I like to hike together. Taking one final deep breath, I glance back at Nebo and walk inside.
Everything inside appears to be in place. The bed is made, including the dark gray blanket draped across the foot of the bed that Nickalwaysforgets to replace. Three receipts are stacked on top of each other on the dresser along with a few dollar bills, next to his belt coiled in a tight circle. Nothing stands out in the bathroom as unusual. A towel hangs on the hook next to the glass-walled shower and the vanity is clean and tidy with his everyday items resting in their typical order of usage. His clothes hang in the closet in the exact order they should be—color-coordinated with the shirt front facing to the left. My fingersgraze the fabrics as I look around the rest of the closet to see if anything seems out of place. The only thing noticeable is the pair of shoes missing from the far right of the line they are laid out in—the pair he likes to wear when we go hiking.
“This is how we found it,” Kai says when I come out of the closet. How long has he been here? I didn’t even hear him come in. “Nina, I—”
“Kai, I love you, but right now…you are the last person I want to see.”
My brother shoves a hand through his already disheveled hair. I’m so angry with him, but part of me feels bad for being so mad. I can tell he hasn’t been getting much sleep or putting much effort into his appearance. Kai has never been one to go a day—even staying at home—without styling his hair and making sure his clothes are pressed.
He sighs. “I know you’re mad. You have every right to be, but you have to believe me, Nin. I am so sorry, I—I didn’t think he was missing. I never…Nina I—I didn’t know what to do.”
“You should’ve called me!” My anger deflates slightly when he looks up with wet eyes. I cross my arms over my chest. Taking a deep breath, I rub my face and try to piece together what led to this. I should ask him for the whole story without the rest of them around. I’ll get a better answer without the constant interruptions. “Kai, what happened?”
Kai sits on the edge of the bed, letting his hands fall between his knees. “We were supposed to go out, but Nick…He didn’t want to. He said he wasn’t feeling up to it. Feeling under the weather. Frankly, he seemed off the whole time we’ve been here. He tried to hide it, but I could tell. We all could. He was trying to get through this weekend for Alex and—”
“And you didn’t think to tell me this before?”
Kai sighs. “I was trying to be respectful of the no-phone thing.”
I roll my eyes. Stupid fucking request.
“Anyway, Nick insisted we go without him. Was pretty adamant about it. Said he didn’t want to put a damper on things. So, we went without him…Didn’t get home until late that night because we went to Petra.”
Petra Creek is a ski resort about an hour and a half north with some of the better skiing slopes that would still have snow this time of year.
Kai continues, pushing a hand through his brown hair. “I didn’t see him when we got home, and I assumed he was in bed. Then Sunday came and we all slept in. When he wasn’t here for breakfast, I assumed he was up and out for a run. But when he wasn’t back by lunch, I checked on him, and…he wasn’t here.” He looks up at me, but I don’t flinch, waiting for him to finish. “We started looking for him, everywhere, but no one has seen him. No one. He didn’t leave a note, he didn’t send a text, he didn’t do anything…He was just gone.”
My gaze narrows. “Someone doesn’t just disappear, Kai.”
“I know that.”
“Why wouldn’t you call me? My husband goes missing and you decide to keep it to yourself for three days?Questa è una stronzata!”
“I know it’sbullshit, Nina. I know. But I thought we would find him. I thought he would show up. I didn’t…I didn’t think it was going to turn into this. I thought it would be something we’d all get to laugh about and never have to tell you. But yesterday it became pretty damn obvious that wasn’t the case.”
“Did you even go to the police?” I don’t know why I ask, I’m sure I already know the answer.“La polizia—”
“We did.” A different voice answers. Josh, Alex, and Finn stand at the end of the hallway connecting our bedroom and sitting room. Josh continues, “Alex and I went Monday morning.”
“You sentthem?” I ask my brother, and he shrugs. Am I dealing with idiots? Kai should know better than to let them go alone. “Why in the hell wouldn’t you go? Beau would’ve known—”
“He’s my brother, Nina!” Alex pipes up. “I wanted to be there.”
“Where are the police now?” I repeat the question when they don’t give me an answer.
“The deputy we spoke to said Nick has a right to go off if he wants,” Josh says.
"Mi scusi?"I scoff. “I’m sorry. Did you say the police told you my husband can ‘go off’ if he wants to?”
