Page 32 of Begin Again
Before the Sloans leave, Doris reminds me about dinner next week. She’ll be making pot roast—my favorite of her homecooked meals—and I wouldn’t miss it. They wish Charlie good luck before disappearing into the crowd. And when they’re gone, I close my eyes and take one final breath. I have to hold my shit together for a little while longer. I can’t let Charlie know something is—
“Is everything okay?” Charlie asks.
“Hmm? Oh yeah, everything is fine.”
“Do you want to leave? I get it if you—”
“No.” I cut her off. “No, I think this is just what I need to take my mind off things.” I stick my hand out toward her. Charlie looks down at it, surprised, but takes it anyway, lacing her bony fingers through mine. “Besides, I can’t miss watching you race.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ABOUT A MONTH AFTER Charlie started riding again, she walked into the kitchen, sat at the breakfast table, looked her dad in the eye, and said she wanted to race again. More specifically, she wanted to race at the upcoming Blossom Festival, and that’s how I learned all about the town’s annual tradition of welcoming spring. Joseph seemed like the only person who wasn’t surprised by her admission, saying the sport runs in her blood and she would have gotten back there eventually.
Despite practicing almost every night since I know Charlie isn’t happy with her time. She hasn’t been able to beat her record of 14.9 seconds. And while it’s not the overall fastest record in the sport, it was Charlie’s personal best, and she wanted to beat it.
Tonight.
She wanted to beat it tonight.
“She only needs to beat fifteen,” Katy says from her spot between me and Jackson in the stands. When news spread about Charlie making her return to the circuit, the whole town buzzed with excitement—it had been almost a decade since her last race—and it felt likeeveryonewas crammed inside the tiny arena to watch.
Joseph sits on my left with folded hands hanging between his knees. He’s been unusually quiet since he joined us, and something tells me it has to do with the two men I saw him talking to earlier. They looked comfortable in their conversation on the outskirts of the festival, but there was a subtle tension in Joseph’s smile, one I’ve only seen whenever he talks about the stresses of running the ranch. I turned to ask Charlie if she knew who the men were, but she was too deep in a conversation with Katy to notice anything unusual.
“You know who you’re talking about, right?” Jackson asks, shoving a few pieces of popcorn in his mouth. Katy gives him a straight face, and Jackson shrugs, tossing another piece into his mouth. Katy is right though. Every other rider had already gone and the fastest time so far was 15.3 seconds. Charlie has to beat that number to win tonight, even if it isn’t beating her personal best.
I didn’t understand the concept of barrel racing until Charlie explained it to me when we set up the barrels the first time she practiced. Barrel racing is a rodeo event where the rider and horse go around three barrels placed in a triangular pattern. They race around each one, creating a cloverleaf pattern, before crossing the finish line. Whoever does it the fastest…wins! Seemed like an odd thing to get into, not exactly something you casually stumble upon. Joseph explained his wife had been into barrel racing; she did it more for fun, while Charlie did it for the competition.
I see Charlie direct Lady into the corral as two men finish setting up for the final race and the air becomes thick with anticipation. Charlie changed into a black button-up tucked neatly into her blue jeans, and a white cowboy hat now sits on her head. She wears it for good luck—at least that’s what she said earlier. The hat belonged to her mother, and Charlie hadn’t wornit since her accident, but this seemed like the perfect time to dust it off.
If I were in that corral right now, I’d look a lot more nervous than her. Charlie looks calmer than she has all day leading up to this very moment, and I wonder if the nerves have finally settled or if she’s good at hiding them when she’s in the zone. She strokes Lady’s neck, saying something to the horse before righting herself in the saddle.
Before I know it, the gun goes off and Charlie bolts out of the corral. She directs Lady to the right, going around the first barrel in a tight circle, missing it within a quarter of an inch. How in the hell did she not touch that thing? She moves on to the second barrel, then the third before racing to the finish line. It all happened so fast, if you blink, you’d miss it.
Katy jumps up from her seat, a death grip on Jackson’s hand, and her eyes glaze over with fresh tears as Charlie pushes Lady to cross the line. They don’t stop until they reach the end of the straightaway. I don’t have to look at the clock to know the outcome, because Katy screams and jumps in place. The rest of the crowd erupts within a second behind her.
Charlie catches her breath, stroking Lady’s side, before a smile splits her face in half. I meet her eye when they do a victory lap, and she tips her hat toward me. Jackson pats me on the back with a smirk as Charlie tugs on the reins to finally maneuver Lady out of the arena. I watch her the entire way until she disappears, and only then do I catch a glimpse of the clock. It’s stopped at 15.0 seconds.
While she may not have beaten her personal best, Charlie won the competition, and it was one hell of a comeback. I’m damn sure proud of her. I just hope she’s proud of herself. Who else can say they returned and won the competition after an eight-year hiatus?
Charlie has been surrounded from the moment she dismounted Lady, and when Katy and Jackson began to fight their way through the crowd, I took the opportunity to slip away from all the excitement. The Blossom Festival is set up on the outskirts of downtown Bezer, with a spectacular view of the surrounding mountains. If I can get far enough out of the crowd, I can probably find a quiet place to get some fresh air and take a moment to breathe. I swim through the sea of people until I finally reach the edge of the festival and step down from the pavement into the grass. The moon hangs high above the towering mountain’s peak, illuminating the ground below and showcasing the open field I walk through.
Grasping the wood fence at the edge of the clearing, I take a long, deep breath, and all the emotions from earlier come rushing back. I knew better than to get my hopes up. I knew better than to assume Sloan’s meeting with the sheriff meant I’d be closer to the truth. All that does is lead to disappointment. But I couldn’t help myself. It’s hard not to get excited at the prospect of it all. Nausea rises in my throat, and I struggle to force it back down.
How could this happen to me?
The problem is, I don’t even know who I am. What if something like this was normal for someone like me? What if no one was looking for me because no one was surprised I went missing? That doesn’t make sense…What about the woman who shows up in those memories? Surely, she’d be looking for me. Wouldn’t she? Or was that someone that I only used to know?
What if I truly was all alone in the world?
Tears prick my eyes when I look up to the night sky, full of stars that twinkle and shine brightly. “Am I supposed to give up? Is that what this means?” I ask, hoping for an answer from anyone or anything that’s listening. “Because that’s what it feels like.”
It just wasn’t your time yet, Sloan said earlier, and all I can think is if not now, then when? It’s been a year. How long am I supposed to wait for something that may never come?There are people out there looking for you. That was the other thing Sloan said. And the way he said it made it seem like…like he knew something. Was there more to the story about his meeting with the sheriff than he let on?
“You gotta give me something,” I whisper, hanging my head. “Something that tells me what I’m supposed to do.”
A voice rings out.
I look over my shoulder toward the direction it came from, I don’t see anyone, but I know I heard it…Or maybe I’m imagining things.
