Page 79 of Terms + Conditions
“I told him to leave.”
“At midnight?” I ask. “That’s a bit harsh, don’t ya think?”
“Yesterday,” she says. “I told him to leaveyesterday, not long after you did, actually. And when I refused to answer the phone and then blocked him, he showed up at my door. And when I still told him to leave…Well, you heard him.”
“Oh.”
“That’s all you have to say?” Elizabeth finally turns to look at me. “Oh?”
What does she want me to say? I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that I just got into a knock-down drag-out with her boyfriend…ex-boyfriend, sorry.
Elizabeth scoffs. “Unbelievable.”
“What do you want me to say, Elizabeth?”
“I want you to acknowledge the fact that this isyourfault!”
“My fault?”
“Yes!” She slams the kitchen towel on the counter. “Your fault.”
I am still not following. How in the hell is what just happened with Ryanmyfault?
“Josh, I can’t move on when every time you’re around, you act like everything is okay. Likeyou’reokay. Like this isn’t hurting you as much as it’s fucking killing me.”
Her words catch me off guard. What does she mean, I act like I’m okay? I am far from fucking okay. Most days, I can’t keep my head above water. Ever since the rest of the family found out the truth, I can feel them slowly slipping away from me because, at the end of the day, she’s going to be the one they choose. Not me.
Carefully, I meet her by the island, but she moves away when I get too close.
“I am not okay, Elizabeth,” I whisper, but she doesn’t say anything. “I don’t want this. I don’t want any of this. I want you. I don’t want to wake up another day without you next to me. I don’t want to come home, and you’re not there. The house is empty, it’s cold, it’s nothomewithout you…I don’t want to know that you’re with some asshole who doesn’t love you like I do. Because I fucking love you. I do. I love you, I’m in love with you, and I always have been.”
“Juliet—”
“Isn’t you.” I shut down her fears before she can voice them. “Yes, I thought I loved her once, and maybe I did, but she’s not you.”
“Then why did you go to Wichita when I asked you not to?” Her voice raises, and it ignites a spark in me.
“Because I was scared.”
I start to match her volume but stop myself. I know better, I can’t fight fire with fire, we’ll only get burned.
Taking a deep breath, I say, “I didn’t know what you wanted. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Time was ticking byfaster than a fucking freight train, we were in a bad spot, and I thought…I don’t know what I thought. I just knew we were a time bomb waiting to explode. So, I did something about it. I guess I thought I was just preparing for what was coming sooner rather than later.”
“Why didn’t you just ask me?”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“Say you love me, Josh!” Her hand comes down on the marbled countertop at the far end of the kitchen. “Say you want to be with me. Say anything! Anything would have been better than the silence of the last year.”
“We were barely speaking to each other, Liz. The most conversation we had outside of family functions was the day you opened that damn letter.”
“You’re the one who pushed me away, Josh. You were so worried about work and Max and getting ahead…You let us slip to the wayside again. And when I brought it up, you acted like I was being unreasonable.”
“You wanted me to drop everything and go on a vacation, Elizabeth. Or run off to New York because Nick and Nina were there. Or California to see Lola. Or to—”
“Because I thought it would make things better! Give us a chance to reconnect.”
“But you didn’t evenaskme.” I scoff. “You just assumed I could drop everything and go, but I can’t do that, Elizabeth. I have a job, one that doesn’t allow me to just run around the country.”
