Page 13 of Heightened Assurance
After I pissed, I moved to the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face. “Jade.”
“What? I’m asking a real question.”
I dipped my head back, looking into my room and seeing her fine ass bent over to strap up her heels. “I want to see you tonight. Is that too much to ask for?”
She was finally standing upright and those sexy ass eyes were on me. “No, it isn’t too much to ask for. Yes, you can see me tonight as long as you’re feeding me.”
“That’s a given, Jade.”
She laughed. “Then you’ll see me tonight.”
“Good.”
After I threw on some shorts, I walked Jade to the door and contemplated holding her hostage, I found my way back to my bed. That didn’t last long, because somewhere between opening my eyes and closing them, I had a burst of energy. Before I knew it, I was up on my feet, moving around. I spent a while cleaning before I decided to go see my baby girl. When I checked in with Harlem, she said they were all just bumming around the house. I decided I’d take her to get ice cream. I tried to spend as much time as my mind permitted with her. In no way was my guilt her fault, but some days the fact that she looked like Ashley haunted me. She acted nothing like her mother, but sometimes the expressions she wore or even the way she raised her eyebrows when she was asking a simple question fucked me up. It was heavy, but for my daughter’s safety and peace, I’d carry whatever.
“Daddy, I thought you were going home,” Aja asked, eyes bringing my mind to the present. We were seated out on the patio of what Aja claimed was her favorite ice cream parlor. It was a small storefront a few steps from Harlem’s store. It was cute, colorful as fuck, but cute.
“I was, but I figured I’d come see you before I left. You good, lil mama?”
She shrugged. Typical kid shit. “Yeah. Caya did my hair, you like it?”
My eyes went to the braided crown atop her head before a smile filled my features. “Yeah, I like it. She did well. What do you think?”
“I like it a lot. Tete said it was so I didn’t get my hair really wet in the pool at school. She said chlorine breaks hair off.”
I laughed. “It does, your auntie knows right.”
She nodded, then spooned more of her ice cream from the small cup. “Daddy.”
“Yeah, Aja.” Something in the tone of her voice let me know she was about to ask about Ashley. Since I had been back, she’d asked about her mother a total of five times. Each time I lied to her, swearing to myself I wouldn’t do it again. I did though, because how did you tell your child that you killed her mother? That Mommy wasn’t off on some runaway mission, that she truly was never coming back.
“If Mommy were here, do you think she would like my hair?”
I swallowed hard. “Pretty sure she would, pretty girl. How is school?”
She giggled and shrugged. “It’s only been a week, Daddy. Everything is still new.”
I nodded, grateful that she allowed the subject change. “What do you mean everything is still new? Are you growing up on me, Aja?”
More giggles escaped her. “Nooo. I’m just saying. Plus, Uncle still treats me like a baby. He won’t let me go to the arcade with everybody else.”
I laughed. “Everybody else being, Sebastian?"
She shrugged. “Not just him.” That was code for mostly him. Kinga saw what I saw, that my baby had a crush, and we both processed it differently. I knew that was all it was, but Kinga’s mind had already told him it was shit in the game.
“Sure. Either way your uncle has his reasons.”
“But, Daddy.” She gave me the puppy dog eyes, which melted my resolve every time.
“Aight. I’ll talk to your uncle when we get back to the house.”
“Okay. Can you tell him that all girls don’t play catch a girl kiss a girl and that we don?—”
“Then how do you know what the game is?”
“Because I know.”
I nodded, knowing damn well I wasn’t talking to Kinga. “You ready to go, baby girl?”
