Page 103 of The Affair
Believing in love didn’t make it real.
Was this just another doomed fairy tale?
* * *
I was a coward.
There was no other way to look at it, and as much as I wanted to believe this was nothing more than me taking some time for myself, I knew what I was doing.
I was running.
Fleeing a situation too big for me to handle.
Escaping feelings I hadn’t been prepared to feel.
Leaving only a scribbled-out note for him to find, I’d snuck out of my own house in the cover of darkness, running away from Sawyer who was still asleep in my bed.
I thought I had no idea where I was headed, just that I needed to put some distance between us. I simply got in the car and drove.
But as the miles dragged on, I discovered I knew exactly where I was going.
Four hours later, I found myself pulling up to the palatial palace that was my brother’s family home. When I stepped out of the car, the smell of the ocean hit me instantly. It was a grand place with white columns and a perfectly landscaped exterior.
I’d been here only a handful of times. My brother and I loved each other, but I wouldn’t say our relationship was the closest. Since he’d moved away for college, we’d been more acquaintances than siblings, and neither of us seemed to mind.
I wasn’t sure what had brought me here. Looking up at the place, I seriously contemplated getting back in the car and turning around. But the second my mom stepped out the door, I knew.
I’d come for her.
Nothing was right in the world without her.
With a toddler on her hip, she met me halfway, pulling me into a tight one-armed hug. “What a lovely surprise,” she said.
I took that moment to breathe her in. She smelled of jasmine and lavender, a smell that took me back to my childhood almost instantly.
How many times had I nuzzled my head against her chest, crying over scraped knees or broken friendships, knowing she was my safe place?
My home.
“I missed you, Mom,” I said, not realizing there were tears falling from my eyes.
“Oh, Ellie,” she answered, holding me tighter. “I missed you too.”
“Why did you go?” I asked, wiping the moisture from my cheeks. “Why didn’t you call?”
She placed my niece down, the little girl’s attention completely focused on the toy in her hand, then my mom cupped my face. “I wanted to. You don’t know how many times I picked up my phone and then talked myself out of it.”
“But why?” I asked. “I needed you.”
Her expression shifted as she tilted her head to the side and took me in. “Why don’t you come inside, and I’ll explain? And then maybe, after a cup of coffee, you can tell me why you’re here?”
“Okay,” I agreed.
I followed her inside, my niece tagging along behind her. I noticed right away how natural she seemed in her new habitat.
But it wasn’t the only thing I noticed.
As we walked inside, I took a moment to really look at her. She walked with purpose, her back straight and her gaze forward. It was a stark contrast to the frail woman I’d taken care of at my father’s funeral.
