Page 91 of The Affair
Maybe he just needed air.
I’d been part of that family for years, and if anyone understood the complexity of it, it was me.
Shaking my head, I chastised myself.
Even I knew that wasn’t true. I had been a part of the Gallagher family, but if there was anything I’d learned from befriending Sawyer, it was that I knew next to nothing about them.
But it didn’t mean I couldn’t find out.
Feeling like I had nothing to lose and everything to gain, I pulled my phone out and dialed the one number I’d thought I’d never call again.
This has simply gone too far, I told myself.
And if Sawyer wasn’t going to tell me what was going on, I’d go find someone who would even if it meant facing my past.
Unfortunately, my past didn’t answer. Reed’s phone just rang and rang until, eventually, his voice mail picked up. Just hearing the familiar sound of his voice had me rethinking this entire plan.
I’d promised Sawyer that I’d wait—that I’d earn his trust, just as he’d earn mine.
This went against all of that.
But as the beep sounded on the other end, I couldn’t stop the words that followed. I needed answers.
“Reed,” I began, “I need to talk to you. This has gone on long enough. Whatever happened between your family and Sawyer is in the past, and you’re only causing more damage by treating him like an outsider.”
Feeling somewhat vindicated, like my words were no longer for me, but for Sawyer, I went on, “You need to let go. He is your brother after all.”
Hanging up, I should have felt better, like I’d defended his honor. But instead, all I felt was dread because somehow, someway, this was going to blow up in my face.
What had I done?
* * *
Feelinglike the ultimate betrayer for calling Reed, I decided honesty was the best policy.
That, and maybe changing my phone number before he had the chance to return my call—if he ever did, that was.
As I waited for Sawyer to return that morning, I tried to organize my words so that I could explain exactly why I’d done it in the first place. But so far, all I’d managed to come up with sounded super lame and clingy, which made sense because that was exactly how I’d acted.
Was it always going to be like this?
Would I ever reach the part in the relationship where I could trust again, or was this my norm now? A scorned woman who was prone to momentary lapses of judgment, jealousy, and regrettable phone calls?
It was definitely not who or where I wanted to be.
And Sawyer deserved better.
“You’ve got that face again,” Sawyer said, appearing as if from nowhere. His voice pierced through the drab silence in the store, making me jump. “Sorry.” He laughed. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Finally meeting his gaze, feeling guiltier by the minute, I tried to shrug it out. “I just didn’t expect you to come in the back.”
With a casual smile, he seemed to be back to his normal self—nothing like the brooding man sitting outside my store only an hour earlier. “I parked behind the store today. Hope that’s okay?”
“Sure.” I nodded. “No problem.”
A quiet fell between us, and I knew it was my chance to say something.
Tell him, my conscience urged.Before he finds out from Reed.
