Page 99 of The Scars I Bare
“Because he was shuffling around his schedule. Because he wanted to see his daughter. Because I screwed up.”
My finger went through my hair as I paced. “Youscrewed up?Youdid? Cora, this man beat you! He beat you!”
I didn’t realize how loud I’d become until she matched it.
“He never beat me,” she said softly. “He’d lose his temper and slap me around, but he never beat me.”
My hand scrubbed over my face, feeling the stubble of a previous day. “Jesus Cora. Do you hear yourself right now?” I asked. “Do you hear yourself making excuses for him? You do remember what he did to you?”
“Yes, I remember!” she nearly screamed. “I remember every blow. Every argument. Every tear. I remember laughing off bruises to Lizzie, telling her how dumb her mommy was for running into things so often. I remember how stupid I felt for not being able to make it stop. For not being able to walk away. So, don’t raise your voice at me, Dean Sutherland, because I remember. Everything.”
“Then, why are you letting him do this? Why let him stay? Why not make him leave?” I whispered, taking a hesitant step forward.
Thankfully, she didn’t back away.
I hadn’t lost her trust. Yet.
But I had a feeling, I was treading a very fine line.
“Because I also remember everything else. The way he smiled when he held Lizzie for the first time. How proud he was when she said her first word. The tender way he sang to her at bedtime. I will never, ever be able to forgive him for the husband he became, but I can never fault him for the father he turned out to be. He might be overbearing and spoiled, but he loves that little girl.”
I swallowed hard, hating the idea of that man having anything less than a blackened soul. “But does he deserve her? After everything he did to you…”
My hand reached out for hers, and she let me take it, looking down at our two hands joined together with almost a sadness in her eyes.
“I don’t know,” she answered. “But I don’t think that’s up to me anymore.”
“Of course it is,” I pressed, thinking back to the snide sneer he had given me.
She pulled away, looking out the window toward the parking lot.
“Do you know what Lizzie told me when she came to find me during her birthday party yesterday? She said she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to miss her father. Do you know how absurd that is?” She let out a somber laugh under her breath. “When I asked her what she meant, she said she knew Daddy made me sad, that he hurt me, and that’s why we moved away. And, now that we were away and I was happy again, she was scared to even mention him or miss him. She thought she was supposed to forget him.
“And you know whose fault that is? You know who made her believe that? Me. I did that to my little girl. I made her think she had to forget her father.
“She fell asleep, sobbing in my arms, last night, Dean. On her birthday. Because she missed her daddy. It’s not right. None of this is, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do any of this, but I need to figure it out. So, for the next few days, Blake is going to be around, and if you have a problem with that—”
“I don’t,” I said, the lie falling from my lips quicker than a lightning bolt in a summer storm.
“Good,” she said, a look of relief painting her expression. “Because I need support right now. I don’t think anyone really knows how to navigate this sort of thing. There’s definitely not a course for How to Have Dinner with Your Abusive Ex-Husband 101.”
“You’re going out to dinner with that asshole?” The words exploded out of me, causing her to take a step back.
“He wanted to take Lizzie out for her birthday,” she said, her eyes wide as she looked at me with an expression I’d never seen before.
Fear.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said, lowering my voice to something less threatening.
“And you really don’t have much of a say.”
“Are you going to go back to him?” I blurted out, my insecurities showing.
“What?”
I swallowed hard, shaking my head as it filled with uncertainty. “I don’t like him being here, Cora. I don’t think it’s good for you. For—”
“You?” she said, meeting my gaze. “Look, I’m doing the best I can here with a situation that is basically impossible. But, if you think me trying to figure out how to work out a relationship between Blake and Lizzie is somehow me finding my way back to him, then you’re wrong. I had an entire year to go back to him, and I didn’t even though there were plenty of times I’d wanted to.”
