Page 42 of The Scars I Bare
“Mommy! Your phone is ringing!”
“I know,” I answered, hoping I could just ignore it.
“Mommy! It’s Pappy!”
My eyes flew open. Lizzie had my phone in her hand.
“I’ll answer it!” she announced excitedly.
“No!” I nearly screamed.
She looked alarmed.
I dialed it back a notch. “I mean, I’ll do it,” I said. “I’ll answer it. You wait for our food. I need to talk to Pappy about your birthday, so I’m just gonna sneak over here,” I explained, pointing to the entrance of the patio, “and talk to Pappy about all the super-secret birthday stuff I can’t say in front of you. Okay?”
She nodded, her chin nearly touching her chest as she bounced in her chair.
“Okay,” I said once again, mostly for my own reassurance.
I snuck off toward the bar, which also happened to be where the patio entrance and exit was. It was early evening, so the crowd was still light. It was as good a place as any, and at least I could still see Lizzie from this spot.
“Hi, Daddy,” I said the moment after I answered the call and brought the phone to my ear.
“Well, there’s my girl. It rang so much, I thought it might go to voice mail again!”
I did my best impression of a laugh. “No,” I said. “Just had to wrestle it out of Lizzie’s hands.”
He laughed. A real one. Not the fake shit I was putting out there.
“How is my baby girl? She’s turning six soon, you know.”
I let out a breath, looking up at the sky as I tried hold in the emotions. “I know,” I said. “Hard to believe, huh?”
“It is,” he said. “Especially since I haven’t seen her since she was two.”
He tried to play it off as no big deal, but I knew him. I knew my father, and this was a big damn deal.
“Any chance we might be able to see her? And you and Blake? Maybe for her birthday? Or possibly Thanksgiving? We could even fly out there for Christmas. We don’t mind staying in a hotel if the house isn’t done. And, hey, think of all the movies we could catch up on. Don’t tell me you went to go see the newThormovie without your old man.”
I swallowed deeply, tears stinging my eyes.
“Of course I didn’t,” I managed to say. “But I don’t know. I’ll have to check with Blake. The house is still in shambles. Nothing is done. Our contractors quit. Can you believe that?” My lips were quivering as I spoke.
There was nothing but silence on the other end. He’d probably already expected this. It had been nothing but the same answer for years now.
God, I was such a joke.
“But maybe…” I said. “Blake has a business trip over Thanksgiving, so maybe we could come your way. Just Lizzie and me.”
I had no idea what I was doing. Maybe it was the pain of hearing his voice. Maybe I just missed my dad too much, but I couldn’t stop the words once they started.
“Oh, really? That would be lovely, sweetheart.”
“I’d better go, Daddy. I love you,” I said, my voice cracking as a dam broke, and my emotions spilled over. I didn’t wait for him to answer. I couldn’t. I hung up as the tears began to fall.
One more second on that phone, and he would have heard everything.
The pain, the loss, the suffering.
