Page 4 of The Scars I Bare
The panic.
The fear.
The loss.
And then, like a flip of a coin, they’d come back, just as my mother was doing now, and it would be like nothing had happened. There was a time when I would have brought it up and told her I was fine and that there was nothing to fear anymore.
But, after a while, I’d learned to let it go.
Because she never would.
Just as the random stranger passing by couldn’t help but look at my prosthetic hand, noticing the way the color and texture didn’t quite match the other, my mother couldn’t look at me and not think about what could have been.
What she’d almost lost.
“You and Jake did a fine job today. Made everyone proud.”
I gave her a warm smile. “Thank you, Mama,” I said, choosing to leave out the part where Jake had basically spoon-fed me my part in the whole thing.
“I imagine Jake and Molly will be getting married soon?” she asked, clearly changing the subject. She knew exactly when the happy couple was getting hitched.
“In a month or so, Mama. Remember the invitation you got? It’s right there, on the fridge.”
I knew she was playing some sort of game with me, acting dumb just to keep me talking. But I allowed it. She was old, and I’d caused her, a single parent, enough strife over the thirty-six years I’d been on this earth.
“And you’ll be attending?” she asked.
“Of course. I’m the best man. And, before you ask another ridiculous question, no, I’m not upset over this. Hell, I think I deserve a gift, considering the amount of pushing and prodding I did to get those two together.”
“Watch your mouth, Dean. You might have skipped church this morning, but it’s still a Sunday.”
“Hellisn’t a bad word. It’s in the Bible,” I replied, grinning back at her. It was an argument I’d been using to push her buttons since I was a kid.
She made an unpleasant face, shaking her head as she rose to go back to her pork chops. “Why I didn’t make you move back in here, I just don’t know,” she grumbled.
If she’d had her way, I would have. After my accident, she had all but begged me to move back in, her nerves completely shot after everything I went through to make it back home. Because of the remote location of Ocracoke, my rehabilitation had meant I had to stay a couple of hours up the coast for months. Once I’d finally returned home, the thought of me being even a mile away was almost too much.
But I couldn’t do it.
I’d lost so much already. Anyone who’d ever spent any time in a hospital knew how little dignity it left you with, and moving in with my mother at the age of thirty-three? It would have been the final nail in the coffin.
“A fall wedding in Ocracoke,” my mom said, still carrying on about Jake and Molly. “Weren’t you planning on the same?”
“Molly and I never really planned on anything wedding-related. I think we were too scared to even take the first step.”
“Well, if that wasn’t a giant warning sign, I don’t know what is.” She snorted.
“You didn’t seem all that upset by the idea,” I replied, remembering how she’d cried tears of joy when I announced I was going to marry Molly.
A marriage of convenience really.
Jake had left over a decade earlier to follow his dreams of becoming a world-class doctor, leaving Molly and me behind. After years of loneliness, we both began to confuse our friendship for something more. It took my accident and Jake’s return to set us all straight. I’d honestly never been happier for two people in my life.
“Well, what mama wouldn’t want her in the family?” she asked. “And, besides, I’ve been waiting my whole life for grandbabies. At this point, who am I to argue as long as I get some?”
“Well, maybe Jake and Molly will let you snuggle theirs when they get around to it.”
“They’d better. Those two have been just as much family as anyone else to us. And, after everything Jake did for you…” Her voice trailed off as the emotions took hold.
