Page 107 of The Scars I Bare
Never could.
Handing back the phone to my brother, who was still three sheets to the wind, and then glancing in the direction of my best friend, still dressed in his wedding attire, holding a med kit and a bag of ice, while his new wife stood by his side, I knew I was the only option.
So, I took a deep breath, and I made a choice.
“I’m going after him,” I announced to the room.
And, before anyone could change my mind, I charged out of the house and toward the churning dark water that had already tried to steal my life once, and I begged it not to do so a second time.
Dear Friends and Family,
I could say something cliché like,Long time, no see, but from the long gap between my last post and this one…well, that much is already obvious. And, besides, a stupid phrase like that doesn’t really say anything, does it?
It doesn’t explain the why. It’s just an excuse people use to camouflage the truth.
And I’ve done enough of that in my life.
So, here it is.
The truth. All of it.
Or at least, most of it.
My life fell apart a while ago, and I headed back into the world to start over. Too embarrassed to tell anyone of my failure, I kept it a secret. But, in the depths of all these secrets and lies I was telling to the outside world, something amazing happened. I began to find balance again.
And love.
So much love.
I’ve met a man—a beautiful, broken man—who is teaching me how to trust again. How to open my heart once more to the possibility and vastness of love.
The forever kind of love.
It’s funny how, in the midst of tragedy, life can offer up something so pure and magnificent. And yet, I still can’t seem to find the strength to trust myself.
To take that leap into forever.
I watched Dean storm out of the house with a look of determination so fierce, it felt like the air crackled around him as he moved. By the time the door slammed and I heard the roar of his truck engine, the reality of what was happening sank in.
My eyes flickered to the windows as rain beat against them, falling in thick sheets against the glass, while the wind howled, and the trees bent.
Oh God, what have I done?
“Someone, go after him!” I screamed, searching the crowd until my eyes fell on Taylor.
He shook his head, remorse and regret painting his face. “He knew I couldn’t,” he said. “I’ve had too much to drink. I’d be more of a hindrance than help out there right now. But—”
Panic turned to anger as I blinked several times, trying to keep the tears away. Turning away from him, I moved on. “Jake?”
His gaze morphed into something of the same.
“I am not a seaman, Cora,” he said. “Never have been.”
Letting out a frustrated breath, I found myself nearly yelling, “Can anyone help him? Or are all of you just going to sit around and wait for him to die out there?”
“Cora,” Taylor called out.
I could feel myself beginning to lose it as the room began to close in around me, and I knew, once I allowed it to, I’d never pull myself back together. So, I ran. I ran for the door. I ran out into the storm, water beating down on me, soaking my skin in seconds.
