Page 67 of Resisting Isaac
Female friends I’d bet. Because he’s gone through everyone in this town already apparently and we bore him now.
My stomach flips. The margarita isn’t helping.
Neither is the guy in the booth behind us who just ordered a bacon cheeseburger. The smell hits me like raw sewage. Igrip the edge of the table, my pulse skipping like a scratched record.
“You okay?” Ivy leans in.
“Yeah, just the grease, I think.” I force a smile and order a grilled chicken salad when the time comes.
Except I couldn’t eat even if I wanted to. My head feels fuzzy. My chest is too tight.
I press a hand low on my belly, trying to calm the weird churn. It's probably nothing. Maybe my blood sugar.
Sutton resumes her interrogation. “What’s the hardest part? Like the least glamorous part.”
The question surprises me.
“The pretending,” I say. “Pretending to be okay when a director touches your waist too long. Pretending to be flattered when a reporter calls you sexy instead of talented. Pretending you’re lucky to be there when you know someone in the room wanted a prettier version of you. Younger. Blonder. Skinnier.”
The table goes quiet, but Sutton is never at a loss for words.
“You ever want to quit?”
I decide to be honest. I pretend for a living, tonight I’m going to be me. “Pretty much at least once a day.”
Ivy tilts her head. “Well, I for one am glad you haven’t.” She sips her wine. “I tried to get you on the cast forCaptivebut my ass of an ex wanted to cast?—”
“Heidi Holloway,” I finish for her when it looks like it pains her to say. “I heard. Like I said, she’s younger, blonder, skinnier.” I nudge her shoulder with mine. “For what it’s worth, I much prefer this project to that one.”
She smiles. “It all worked out for the best.”
Sutton is still watching me closely. “If it kind of sucks, why do you keep at it?”
Inhaling deeply, I try to put my heart into words. I let my fingers trail over the crescent moon and stars tattoo on my left hand.
“At first, it was just for the money. To help my family and then for a way out of my tiny town. But then, I met some fans, fans who looked like the little girl I used to be. Who come from nothing and need proof that someone like them can change their stars.”
Willow blinks as if seeing me for the first time. Ivy looks like she might cry.
Sutton tilts her head. “So you don’t want to be like, mega famous? Like Eli James?”
Willow flinches beside her. Busies herself peeling the label from her beer bottle.
I can’t help but suspect Isaac and I aren’t the only ones breaking the no fraternization policy.
I shake my head. “I imagine being mega famous is kind of a drag. Being a tiny bit famous made my life a lot harder. Like going to the grocery store with unwashed hair, no makeup, and no bra is no longer a thing.”
“Damn, that would suck,” Willow offers. “I’d never be able to leave my house.”
Sutton scoffs loudly. “Not like you ever do anyway.”
A flash of pain flickers across Willow’s face.
“I just want to be an example of what young women can achieve when they don’t give up, when they push through the hard parts. I want to show them they don’t have to become what the world expects.”
“That’s badass,” Sutton whispers. “And I’m stealing that for my graduation quote.”
I let out a breath. Then the air shifts.
